#1
There's no story to be saved
The words were written down
But time would not remain
It moves like water over rocks
It will not stop for your hope or your loss
It just erodes everything until we can't hang on
And are carried off to where ever we belong
But I think I should wait for you to come along
Pull me back to the bank and hold me in your arms
Take me to your room and let me sleep it off
I think that just might be where I belong
-Landon
Last edited by Vicious Sid at May 30, 2006,
#2
Its all very good, but you have one very ****ty line.

"I wish this river would just ****ing stop"

I like everything else very much. But please, change that last line.
#3
Like Zuka said, that last line is a spoiler.
Otherwise, this is a fairly short and gentle piece built around a decent theme. Your variation of rhyme helped a bunch, and added a different quality to it.
Good stuff, mostly.
#5
yours allowed to call a song "untitled" arnt you....?
or has it been changed to that?

hterwise great stuff, apart from the last line - unless it means something, if so expand on it. maybe a second verse could be created from it
Quote by the bartender
^ this man knows his stuff.
#6
I really like the feel of this short piece. The lostness and finding yourself at the mercy of time and its refusal to wait for anything and its ignorance of the fact that like you say I wish it would just stop, to give you(or anyone) a chance to sort things out. I think the last line, even though not very poetic, adds a hard finishing touch, and belongs there.

Nice
All the best Vicious Sid
#7
Edited.

That's why it's there, Glenn. Unfortunately, it had to be removed because I couldn't find a way to sing it .

Thanks all.
-Landon
#8
Quote by atomic_llama
yours allowed to call a song "untitled" arnt you....?
or has it been changed to that?

hterwise great stuff, apart from the last line - unless it means something, if so expand on it. maybe a second verse could be created from it

Well every "untitled" i've seen has been closed, or the vast majority. After having read the FAQs again i'm pretty sure.