#1
just wrote this song tonight inspired by Black Sabbath, and Led Zeppelin
tell me whatcha think

It's that time of night,
goblins come to fight,
the wicked spread thier wings,
we keep on crying

Its another day,
from bats skys are grey,
our hopes consumed,
thier lines keep coming

chorus:
On a lesser sabbath,
we wouldn't fight at all,
on any other path,
we wouldn't walk but fall,

On a lesser sabbath,
our swords would stay dry,
on any other path,
we would've asked why

Darkness fill our halls,
Demons climb our walls,
Black blood stains our blades,
we keep on fighting

chorus:
On a lesser sabbath,
we wouldn't fight at all,
on any other path,
we wouldn't walk but fall,

On a lesser sabbath,
our swords would stay dry,
on any other path,
we would've ask why

-Mat Anderson-

Edit: i need an ending lolz
Quote by fil69
Hu r emos???

Quote by .Sidewinder.
could someone translate that last post for me please?
Last edited by Strat_Player at May 30, 2006,
#2
Nice work Mat. Es muy bueno. Now we need to make it a full song, you had something goin' on when we were jammin' though, which was good.
Quote by #1 synth
WOW, that was probably the best burn i've seen on here, you get +2 respect points wanttobebetter

Quote by Pan-Tallica
^X2 ... Didn't wahappen already warn you for acting like a mod?
#3
Hey

It's not bad in most places.. I really liked the chorus, some of it is kind of weak.
Remember you don't need to rhyme. One line was kind of awkward when you said "from bats skies are grey" . Fix that, it doesn't need to rhyme and sounds really forced. The sentence strucure is bad to begin with.
I can't really give much more advice other than spell check and edit it a bit.
If I find anything else I'll post it.

Thanks.