#1
heyy i jus posted about a month ago...i wrote this song in like 10 minutes so if it sucks i apologize..tonight was amazing..and i guess...its easier to write with feelings but here it is..ps-reading it again...the chorus kinda blows...i know...but please crit...it'd be extremely appreciated...thanks

Act II Scene III


Running on empty,
But not regretting a thing;
Who would have thought of this?,
The writers of our story are
Just getting warmed up they say,
"Roll camera, action!" Here comes
the tale of two kids crazy about each other.

Staying up so late never
Seemed any easier than this.
Falling in love never,
Seemed any easier than this.

Full tank and speeding,
Loving every minute of this.
This is the best day i can remember.
Always remember the way things
Fell into place, you know
The saying, everything happens for a reason.

Act II Scene III,
Keep it rolling they all say.
Nice guys finish first after all
Nice guys finish first after all.
Last edited by SecondBest at May 30, 2006,
#2

Nice guys finish first after all
Nice guys finish first after all


I beg you not to use that. Try and use your own ideas, instead of refering to Greenday.

The rest was alright. there's not much flow though, which made it harder to read.

7/10. Good job.

If you could crit back, "Escapade" is in my sig.
#3
lol sorry...i didnt know green day used that line?...i was jus kinda referring to my luck with girls lol...but yeah...it wasnt exactly my best writing lol...but hey atleast you didnt tell me it was cliche cause i already knew lol...so thanks...i'll work on it
#4
They don't use that particular line- they have a song called "Nice Guys Finish Last"- it just seemed like you were refering to it.

But hey, if it wasn't intentional, great, it was a good line.
#5
Quote by SecondBest
heyy i jus posted about a month ago...i wrote this song in like 10 minutes so if it sucks i apologize..tonight was amazing..and i guess...its easier to write with feelings but here it is..ps-reading it again...the chorus kinda blows...i know...but please crit...it'd be extremely appreciated...thanks

Act II Scene III


Punctuation! That's all you need to fix here. I'll rewrite it with the correct punctuation.
Running on empty,
But not regretting a thing;
Who would have thought of this?,
The writers of our story are
Just getting warmed up they say,
"Roll camera, action!" Here comes
the tale of two kids crazy about each other.

Staying up so late never
Seemed any easier than this.
Falling in love never,
Seemed any easier than this.

Full tank and speeding,
Loving every minute of this.
This is the best day i can remember.
Always remember the way things
Fell into place, you know
The saying, everything happens for a reason.

Act II Scene III,
Keep it rolling they all say.
Nice guys finish first after all
Nice guys finish first after all.


Ok for the rest I just did the punctuation. I liked it though.

I give you a 7.5/10 Really good!
Nice guys finish last was a saying before green day, don't just assume.

EDIT: Oh yeah, please return the crit.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=365790
or any of the ones in my sig.
#6
I liked it apart from 'roll camera action' i thought that part was abit cheesey and it seems as if it comes out of the actual story to say that line then go back into the story if ya get what i mean. I know it relates to the title but i wouldnt put that in if i were you. 8/10