#1
a song i just wrote, see what you think

Tidal waves see my eyes
Washing off this disguise
You heart sees into my own
Skipping beats, so alone

I tried to express myself
Bout nouns and verbs fell to short
I climb a mountain just to see
The snow it fell, to early
I tried to help myself
But you placed these bricks
To stack them high

It?s so clear now
That your not here
Breaking away
From this year

You heard my voice
Ringing on through
This suicide
Of myself and you
You just turned
The moon towards the sun
Reflection burns my soul

It?s so clear now
That your not here
Breaking away
From this year

So as this fire burns on
Expressing the way I feel
Red hot ambers fall into
Your bright blue eyes
That tell me lies
So now when this snow
Has finally cleared
From the top of this mountain
My snow clouds from my eyes
Will bleed right into the night!


thanks for telling me what you think, i will look at yours. a big stuff you for not telling me
MindFire!
#2
Dude 4 songs in 2 days= a chance you may get a ban. 1 song a day, 2 songs a week.

This gets a 6/10 from me. No awful thing about it, but nothing that stands out either. The rhyming seems quite forced in some areas, which does cause the flow to go off course.

But like, I said, it's not bad.

Crit back? "Escapade" is in my sig.