#1
as i said in my previous thread i have not tryed to write alot of songs so please comment. thanks

11 months have slipped away like the sand
11months have slipped away from my hands
there was a time you had me on my knees
and you could make me do whatever you please

I remember when you said I was your world
Now to me
your just another girl

11 months is now in the past
11 months was a long time for it to last
there was a time you had me in your life
now you gonna have alot of lonely nights

i remember when you said i was your world
mow to me
your just another girl
Last edited by Eyeball_tickler at May 31, 2006,
#2
I love it! I really do, I'm a sucker for a good old kiss my ass song, and this one fits the bill. I think it's great, the "now you're just another girl" line is perfect. A little short, but that's nothing to be worried about, as long as it flows musically it shouldn't be a problem. This line is obviously missing something "there was a time you me in your life" perhaps the word 'wanted' or some other verbage, but other than that I really like it!
#3
ya i like that, clever rhyming, but ur not stretching it by any means.
School children washing cars for charity, is there anything more arousing?
#4
Much better. Albeit it a little short, you've found a hook in the "11 months" thing.

I think

11 months have slipped away like the sand

Should be changed to either

11 months have slipped away like the sands
or
11 months have slipped away like sand

The first one would fit the rhyme shcmeme better.

Anyway, good job. An improvement already.

Oh, and please read the FAQs. One song a day, two songs a week
Last edited by Jammydude44 at May 30, 2006,