#1
I worte this song awhile back and it kida blew my friends away so i hope u enjoy: P.S. plz! critique, by the way, i know i spelled stuff wrong

Great Charade
so wat will u do for me?
to help me beleive?
will u make me blind
or will u help me see?
will u make me go
or will u make me stay
go only once
or every day
wat will u want in return?
wat can i help u earn?
a ticket in
or just a good word?
so, wat will u do for me?
can i be reedemed?
are things wat they seem?
or is it all a dream?
will we awake
to see ourselves through a haze?
wat could we have done?
to make it a longer run?
it was all a cold summer day
me and u and a game to play
wat does it seem to u?
does it seem a game
or does it seem like a great charade?
where people hide their eyes
from the truth
from the lies
u and me and memories
time to kill and places to see
on our lonely earth
is that all we're worth?
dirt to men
and back to ashes again
is it a great charade?
are you afraid?
can we be pushed around?
do we carry wat we found?
take a look around
have u been here before?
do u even want it anymore?
#5
Interesting, although honestly it's not the best to use "u" while posting for critique. :/
Otherwise, I liked it a bit, especially how you said things such as "Will you make me blind, or will you help me see?", very nice.
7/10, not bad!
Please crit mine if possible?
"Intertwined".
Thanks!

Ciao,
FinestImagery
...Gott weiss ich will kein Engel sein...
#6
I didn't like it. It was too...predictable. The rhymes and the overall feel of it...it's not a bad IDEA, it just needs some work on the execution. I can't think of much more to say that would be helpful at the moment. Keep writing.
#8
I'm not real sure how to respond on this one. The begining was real strong, but as you kept writing you seemed to get off path. The rhyming was a little much, it was distracting from your initial idea. Between that and the fact that it was written in internet speak (ie u & wat) I couldn't get into it. The internet speak made me feel like you were writing lazy, and that is no way to go about your work. Good luck working with this one, Keep writing!