#1
dumped

look at all the things that ive found in the bin
look at all the precious items ive recovered
i couldnt begin to articulate the feeling
of sadness and glee that i get when i see
what she's thrown away
a perfectly good tube of lipstick
cheap silver earings
a slightly bent safety pin
why aren't i suprised to have ended up like one of them?

and i wish it was as simple
to pick myself out and clean myself off
as the sick little trinkets that i find
rooting around in the stuff she left behind
i love every one with a passion that puts
the love that she showed me to shame
i'll cherish the memory, moment and view
made in her likeness, the skin that she shed as she grew

lay them on the table
with a method and a ritual
the devil's in the details
he appreciates the little things as much as me
a lock of hair, her baby teeth
her tear stained, perfume scented sheet

yeah, when she see's
what she's thrown away
she's gonna come crumbling back to me
bit by bit and piece by piece
she's gonna come crumbling back to me

oh i wish it was that simple....
#2
cool, i like it alot..takes an extremely cliched subject and turns it into something not nearly as cliched..i like the conversational essence it has as you read it
and your friends over there, they love you three hits deep.
thats like four-hundred and twenty feet deeper than steep.
youre so fuckin lucky to be loved so steep.
so fuckin lucky to be dug so deep.
(you cant get out.)
#3
Quote by ladyluck54
cool, i like it alot..takes an extremely cliched subject and turns it into something not nearly as cliched..i like the conversational essence it has as you read it


I definitely agree, wholeheartedly.
My thoughts exactly.
It takes a subject which normally is VERY cliched and turns it into a work of art.
Words can do a lot. :3
Nothing to change, like it a lot!
Please critique mine if possible?
"Intertwined".
Thanks!

Ciao,
FinestImagery
...Gott weiss ich will kein Engel sein...
#4
I agree that it makes this cliched subject alot less cliched, but it still isnt a particularly good poem or song (whichever your going for), it doesnt really flow, however it is a work of brilliance when you consider its about something this cliched.
songs: Left Behind choices
Quote by MadClownDisease
Well I can top you all, I've done my mum, my step brother AND a cat. As well as quite a few corpses.