#1
this is to my friend who died a few years ago
so crit for crit

thanks
*Guitarplaya27*

The Cancer

I don?t understand why
This cant be our goodbye
Cause you?ll never be gone
When you?ve been here all along
You?ll have to stay here with me
Because I?ll never let you be

Every memory I look at brings a smile
Because its worth to keep it for a while
Every fight we had brings me to tears
Cause I always brought out your fears
But it brought me the thought of losing you
And I knew I could not make it through

We cannot have more despair
We never had a chance to say goodbye
You just gave up and sailed away

It took all of your light
But it was one hell of a fight
You?ll always be by me
And some day you will see
We could not stop this from happening
But this cant be our final ending

We cannot have more despair
We never had a chance to say goodbye
It just took you down

You fought through it well
But you can?t fight hell
You fought to the end
But it was something we could not mend
The cancer spread to all

You are lost
You left us
You could not hold on
Now we shall hold onto
What we can never have
Call me Sean
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
He's just trying to protect our innocence.


Yes i am
Quote by :Vicious--

Your flirting powers are incredible.



Gear:
Schecter S1 Elite Black Cherry (Soapbar Neck, Invader Bridge)
Schecter Banshee
Orange Dual Terror
Boss CE-5
Goatkeeper
#2
Knowing the situation makes it better. The emotion wouldn't really kick in untill the end if you didn't say what happened before hand. I think it is decent, not great but far from bad. It is really unique in any way. A touch of something unique or different might be nice. There are many songs out there that cover the same topic, so this has too have something unique for it to be really good. If you didn't understand what I just said, post that you don't comprehend and I'll write back.

Bard Morons - Tick Tock Tick Tock
#3
Quote by Bard Morons
Knowing the situation makes it better. The emotion wouldn't really kick in untill the end if you didn't say what happened before hand. I think it is decent, not great but far from bad. It is really unique in any way. A touch of something unique or different might be nice. There are many songs out there that cover the same topic, so this has too have something unique for it to be really good. If you didn't understand what I just said, post that you don't comprehend and I'll write back.

Bard Morons - Tick Tock Tick Tock

i dont comprehend
Call me Sean
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
He's just trying to protect our innocence.


Yes i am
Quote by :Vicious--

Your flirting powers are incredible.



Gear:
Schecter S1 Elite Black Cherry (Soapbar Neck, Invader Bridge)
Schecter Banshee
Orange Dual Terror
Boss CE-5
Goatkeeper
#4
First off, letting me know that it was about a real friend who died aloud me to read it as it was meant on my first read through.

Secondly, many songs have been written about deaths. You need an odd rhyme scheme that people don't do very often, or something else. I like to make comparisons that most people would never think of. This adds a touch that makes your song different and therefore better. I wrote a song on the 21 of this month called My Heart and Humpty Dumpty. I don't care if you crit it or not, but it shows you one of the odd comparisons. I would prefer if you crit my new Tick Tock Tick Tock.
#5
i've lost someone to cancer as well,
and i have to say, that this takes my feelings
and puts them out in the open, you make it clear
very well written piece, keep up the good writing
plus the rhyme added to it....... d ^.^
#6
Quote by Bard Morons
First off, letting me know that it was about a real friend who died aloud me to read it as it was meant on my first read through.

Secondly, many songs have been written about deaths. You need an odd rhyme scheme that people don't do very often, or something else. I like to make comparisons that most people would never think of. This adds a touch that makes your song different and therefore better. I wrote a song on the 21 of this month called My Heart and Humpty Dumpty. I don't care if you crit it or not, but it shows you one of the odd comparisons. I would prefer if you crit my new Tick Tock Tick Tock.


ok thanks that helps

i shall crit in a few
Call me Sean
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
He's just trying to protect our innocence.


Yes i am
Quote by :Vicious--

Your flirting powers are incredible.



Gear:
Schecter S1 Elite Black Cherry (Soapbar Neck, Invader Bridge)
Schecter Banshee
Orange Dual Terror
Boss CE-5
Goatkeeper