#1
a tad inspired to write by some of the songs i have read in these threads, haven't submitted one in a while, hope u like it

Resonating, contemplating
Let it in your mind.
A yes or no, a maybe so
Allow it to pour into your soul.
It?s a hit or miss situation
You can?t have it all
A piece of the puzzle,
Lets make it whole.

In your eyes, I seem to die
All because I?m as good as useless
A small try leads to a lie
All because I?m nothing

Always beating, ill-repeating
Let it flow into your blood
Half or whole, just let it go
Leave it alone to chance.
It?s a lost memory
You seem to forget
A piece of the puzzle
Lets make it whole

In your eyes, I seem to die
All because I?m as good as useless
A small try leads to a lie
All because I?m nothing

Call it karma,
Call it fate,
Call it what you want.
Where to despair,
I?ll find you there
Lets make it whole

All because I?m good as useless
Just because,
I?m nothing
#2
Sorry dude, what's it about? If you answer I'll crit, but it's hard cause I don't understand.
#3
I liked it. I thought the internal rhyme on the first lines were well done, and I really liked the bridge/breakdown, call it what you will.

I felt that the last line of the chorus kind of ruined the mood and flow of it. It also sounds too cliche for my liking. Maybe repeat the usless line again? I dunno, you probably won't want a repeat in it...now I'm rambling... I just felt it kinda put the song on hold for a sec, like it was in the way. Anywho, do what you will with that.

Thats my only real complaint thought. 8/10, liked it alot.

Could you crit back? "Escapade" is in my sig. It'd be much appreciated.
#4
Quote by Jammydude44
I felt that the last line of the chorus kind of ruined the mood and flow of it. It also sounds too cliche for my liking. Maybe repeat the usless line again?


thanks a lot dude, i see what u mean, but i dunno if i want a repeat or if i should change it to something else.....ill work on it, and i think ive alrdy crit Escapade, if not tell me again
#7
You have indeed critted. Thankyou for it.

And nopoleon- please do not double post. Use the edit button.