#1
Do you remember us?
Do you remember us?
Do you remember us?
Do you remember when we thought this
must be love?
Maybe I'm just wrong.
Do you remember now?
Do you remember now?
Do you remember how we went to
fifty million shows?
Had a ton of fun.
Do you remember me?
Do you remmeber me?
Acting on what you gave me.
Baby, it was all for you.

You're in love with two boys,
In one state,
In two towns.
Arty faux vs. tender geeky sexy.
Small and stock as the assembly line baby.
Make your choice, dry your eyes,
Wipe your nose,
and you'll find me right under it.
Poor advice.
#2
i really like this, but it seems to be lacking the depth that i used to see in your writing. by "depth" i mean obscure references that i couldn't really understand.
#3
I like to restrain myself sometimes. This is an actual song and not a poem or anything.
Poor advice.
#4
i couldn't really find a rhythm in it, besides that, i think it is fantastic
I'm Back.


[STAY THIRSTY, MY FRIENDS]


When Autumn comes, it doesn't ask
It just walks in where it left you last
You never know when it starts
Until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart
#5
"by "depth" i mean obscure references that i couldn't really understand." Thats not depth, thats people being pretentious for the sake of it.

I really dont like this, the repeated lines annoy me, it seems very cliched, and it just didnt seem to flow.
songs: Left Behind choices
Quote by MadClownDisease
Well I can top you all, I've done my mum, my step brother AND a cat. As well as quite a few corpses.
#6
The ending I liked; the rest I'm not so sure about. Like dnjoe said, the repetition really doesn't create any special effects at the beginning, and is kinda annoying.
Overall, I think the last four lines were really good, but the rest is fairly average. I don't know if that's intentional to get across your feelings with this piece, but it doesn't do the reader any favours.
Altogether not bad.
#7
The "had a ton of fun" line seems a bit extraneous, but I loved those last four lines.
There is no place else to go
The theater is closed
#8
I'd love to hear a song for once. You say you were going to put up the EP when you'd finished it, which I thought you had, yet I hear zilllch!

I need some music!

Give me links to you!
#9
Quote by thepickups
I'd love to hear a song for once. You say you were going to put up the EP when you'd finished it, which I thought you had, yet I hear zilllch!

I need some music!

Give me links to you!


That's so close to being finished, yet so far. The guy who's recording it is on a long Summer vacation. He was actually going to leave me the key to his house so I could mix it (I'd live their for a frickin' month, it would've been sweet). But I have to wait.
Poor advice.
#10
it isn't a very long text but i realy liked it.
|^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^\||____
|....The BEER TRUCK.... ||||'""|""°\_,__
|___Just for You___l||__|__|___|) _____|
|(@)(@)""""""""""""**|(@)(@)****|(@)|
#11
That's so close to being finished, yet so far. The guy who's recording it is on a long Summer vacation. He was actually going to leave me the key to his house so I could mix it (I'd live their for a frickin' month, it would've been sweet). But I have to wait.


bum!

just 4 track it if you have one, lo-fi's always the best sound.
#12
I dont have much to add that hasnt already been mentioned. I liked the ending and it was interesting to read. however, the repetition got a bit annoying and the rest felt a bit empty, like there was something you wanted to say but didnt....
#13
It is lacking in depth. I just think that it needs something to make it different from the million other songs that cover this same topic.

Bard Morons - Tick Tock Tick Tock