#1
I can't do a crit for crit immediately but i will promise to get back to your when I get back in town, as of now i'm on a semi vacation, anyways. This is just an idea i was playing with or thought of or whatever. Thanks for your input.


I'll hold you above the water because I know that you can't swim.
My own special way to get underneath your skin.
Your only defence is to recite the lords prayer
You memorized the words
from the sunday morning sessions.
So when I drop you in will you sink like a stone
or will you float?
I guess god's on your side, and I will never know.
Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face?
#2
I liked it at a first read. It reads really well, and I quite like this as a whole. Nothing else to really say about this, simply because it is so short and simple.

So you're in montana on this simi-vacation?

That is cool. I've always wanted to go there.
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Quote by GOD*OF*ROCK
lol man plz dont take this the wrong way but you really cant rap.
#3
I agree with Ally, this reads really really well and the flow is amazing. I don't have any faults or things to pick with it. I like it all
Quote by Kensai
Maybe you've heard what the ladies say: "Once you go 77mm you don't go back"
#4
haha actually i jsut put montana for the fun of it awhile ago i'm actually in Tennessee. Nashville ish to be more precise.
Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face?
#5
ooooo i like it. Its very simple but it flows well. great job!
#6
Short, direct, and most of all effective Mr. 21. It shows an interesting attitude, I think. Good play.
#7
Nice work. I don't know if it ws intentional, but I found it funny that the word float was on the line underneath sink- that was good writing. It certainly seemed intentional, what with the shorter line there.

Overall I really liked this little piece. Very good idea you were playing with or thought of or whatever.

If you could drop a line or two here it would be much appreciated.