#1
So seeing as I've been critique-ing, I thought I'd add something of my own. Be gentle, I don't write much. But be honest please, and thanks.

V1


How could we have known
The seeds we had sown
Would grow into something
Unimagineable?

How could we have guessed
What we took for second-best
Could become something so--
So incredible?

Ch

How could we
How will we
Fix this mess we're in
How can we
How will we
Soothe the pain within?

V2

How could you have done
All this... ''just for fun''
It's all become lies
Unfathomable

And how could I still
Love the one who broke my will
Guilt you til it's almost
Forgivable

CH

Bridge/whatever

Your weaknesses perfect
Your tears are like rain
Washing away my pain
I know I still love you
But

CH

Seems somewhat cliched to me, but let me know what you think, please and thanks.
#2
The bridge is certainly cliched to death but overall i think it is pretty good the first verse grabs me then I start to lose it. post some chords to get the real feel of the song
And though the rules of the road have been lodged
It's only people's games that you've got to dodge
And it's allright ma, I can make it
-Bob Dylan 'It's alright ma I'm only bleeding'
#4
im kind feeling like some of the ryhmes
were forced but then they seem to flow
pretty well at the same time.....
i like it all the same...nice
#5
Well, assuming you are a girl Amy... I think this will sound great with female vocals. I think woman can get away with more cliche lyrics somehow. But I think it's good on the whole. I've seen more cliche. And its only a few lines and words i.e. : Pain Rain Lies. It all seems to fit though and again if you can sing it without making the whole song sound cliche, which I think makes songs seem meaningless, then go for it. Nice Work.
#7
yes yes i like these lyrics as well, i mean there is a bit forced stuff and cliched as well but thats not to extreme in this song, so i think it will fit just fine. so yep i enjoyed this read, nice job. thanks for leaving me some feedback as well.
anybody wanna put anything here just let me know
#8
Its pretty good. It is a little cliched but that doesn't ruin it. I think that this needs to be come in the verses and pick up to heavy power chords for the chorus. Sort of like "Say It Ain't So" by Weezer
#10
alright, so. i've got an arpeggio-type picking style for the verses, and heavy power chords for the chorus, and nothing for the bridge yet. so i need help! but i looked at my notebook where it was originally written, and i have something different for the bridge...

Your weaknesses perfect
Your tears like the mist
I know I still love you
But

Sooo... yeah. thoughts.
#12
verse 1 and the chorus are pretty good. but the rest i'd work on. id love it if you recorded it and posted it. i love hearing girls do songs, they come off cooler and better than guys (patti smith, karen o.)