#1
Thanks for the posts guys and ive re typed it now and got rid of the shortened terms i see haw cleche it is and the emo comment.

We should call it quits
Because I cant take the hits
That your sending my way
And maybe some other day
We can find a way
Of solving our problems for good

I?ll never be happy
Until your in my arms
I?ll never be happy
As long as were apart
I?ll never be happy
Until you smile at me
And say you?re so damn happy to be with me

Because girl ive had enough
Of the evil looks and
The comments behind my back
And maybe some other day
We can find a way
Of solving a problem for good

I?ll never be happy
Until your in my arms
I?ll never be happy
As long as were apart
I?ll never be happy
Until you smile at me
And say you?re so damn happy to be with me

I guess its over now
I always louse some how
But I guess this was my fault
And maybe dome other day
We can find a way
Of solving our problems for good

I?ll never be happy
Until your in my arms
I?ll never be happy
As long as were apart
I?ll never be happy
Until you smile at me
And say you?re so damn happy to be with me

i hope thats easyer to read n as you can see i need help
Last edited by cappa at Jun 1, 2006,
#3
In the first verse the rhyming is to close together, other than that it's pretty good.

plz crit my song "My Hearts on Fire"
#4
In this kind of song, it's sometimes a very good idea to forget about rhyme, because it eliminates some of the predictable features.
I suggest tryin' to describe your feelings using a different kind of subject, like a metaphor or summat.

It wasn't too bad though.