#1
Bad Tastes and Bitter Mouths

Shame on those that are only keen
on telling us that we are all machines.
Do you have an emotionless, carefree, insensitive mind?
Is your heart just as motionless?

I have never met a living soul
that can switch themselves on, whenever told.
Told like the robots we are....how to think
how to do, how to love and how to scar.

Shame on those servile esquires
who thrive to fit in with the best of liars.
"Sergeant Major my life is in bits"-
"Well take the back off Soldier and fiddle with with the wires!"
#2
Sounds... not bad, but I stress this every time, write a chorus.
but I think those'd make nice verses
#4
Quote by frusciante_5
I have never met a living soul
that can switch themselves on, whenever told.
Told like the robots we are....how to think
how to do, how to love and how to scar.


'Told like the robots we are...' is the only bit I'd change. I would place 'We are' before told, as I can't help but think about Yoda when it's written in that way.

Overall, I really liked it. It flows well, and it works.

Good job.
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#6
Quote by frusciante_5
Bad Tastes and Bitter Mouths

Shame on those that are only keen
on telling us that we are all machines.
Do you have an emotionless, carefree, insensitive mind?
Is your heart just as motionless?

I like the firt two lines, but the last two seem sub-par, and the use of two words ending in the suffix "less" doesn't seem to work here

I have never met a living soul
that can switch themselves on, whenever told.
Told like the robots we are....how to think
how to do, how to love and how to scar.

This is my favorite stanza, I love the message and I love the imagery. I picture an entire population of robots suddenly switching themselves on. *Claps*

Shame on those servile esquires
who thrive to fit in with the best of liars.
"Sergeant Major my life is in bits"-
"Well take the back off Soldier and fiddle with with the wires!"

Another great stanza, good dialogue with a clever rhyme scheme that doesn't subtract from the message. Awesome job.


Overall I would say it was pretty good, just work on that first stanza a bit. Very effective though, I enjoyed it.

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#8
The ryhme in the first two lines got me hooked and made
me want to finish the rest so i guess that makes it a good opening.
I also like the topic that u are dealing with and i think u did
a real nice job with it