#1
Free Your Mind


Through the tunnel towards the light
Leave your body do it right
Sailing on the seas of time
Leaving all that's real behind

Close your eyes don't be afraid
Let your heart show you the way to free your mind

Dream a dream in quiet seas
Of peace and perfect harmony
Believe in thoughts that ease your mind
Allow your soul a place in time

Hear the spirits wisper words
You'd sware the sounds were sometimes heard in perfect time
#2
Nice, short and to the point lol. I don't really agree with the rhyme scheme, and the whole thing could be longer to let you give more visuals, but overall a good piece.

Could you check out mine too? Its the one on this page by me, of course
#3
I like this song, seems relaxing, as the post above me said, short and to the point. good job. crit for crit?? mine is "freedom isn't free"
~gtrfrk


founder of the dunlop pick fan club


RIP Roger "Syd" Barrett


"Let the good times roll"
#4
Thank you both for your crit. I like the song too. You can here the music to this song and others of mine at isound.com. Just enter Heavy Mellow as the artist.
I am aware the song is short and to the point. I am a man of few words and I hope to get my message of peace across to those who read this song.
I'll be on my way............................
#5
Woah. Like it.
It seems acoustical =p
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#7
Quote by taffertap
Free Your Mind


Through the tunnel towards the light
Leave your body do it right
Sailing on the seas of time
Leaving all that's real behind

I like the imagery and the relaxed feel, but overall this kind of sounds sub-standard and rehashed.

Close your eyes don't be afraid
Let your heart show you the way to free your mind

I like the last line alot, and the first line only adds to its impact. Nice job.

Dream a dream in quiet seas
Of peace and perfect harmony
Believe in thoughts that ease your mind
Allow your soul a place in time

I liked the first line, but the rhyme scheme with "Harmony" is corny, but the last two lines work well with each other.

Hear the spirits wisper words
You'd sware the sounds were sometimes heard in perfect time

Very nice, I liked this alot



Overall it's not bad, not bad at all - just could use a slight trim around the edges and it'll be fine. Keep writing bro!

Check out my piece - Bad Mother Facebreaker