#1
I built these walls out of piss and cum -
Walls of pure fist that can block out anyone.
I built these walls to seperate me from you;
Looking through the holes and cracks to find the truth.

Everytime I stood up you made sure I fell down,
Everytime the sun showed its face I head my head down.
I've got one last hope until I reach mental breakdown.
(Fall) Down
(Fall) Down

Show me your leader, show me the shepherd
I'd like to exchange a few words;
Show me the God you worship, show me his face -
But all I see are plastic statues on the walls of this place.

Knuckledust that f.uck,
Show him the stars and sun -
Bring him to the dungeon
Let the flowers have fun.
Knuckledust that f.uck,
Show him the stars and sun -
Bring him to the dungeon,
and let the flowers have fun.

Eyes that scream out so loud
Eyes that drag me so down
Eyes that bring out the loudest love
Eyes that make a silent sound.

Swallow my cum;
Only to spit it back into my face -
Bring me to Heaven -
Only to turn out the lights,
and leave me alone in this empty place.

Heaven is empty
Heaven is empty
So I built a wall made of piss and cum -
A wall that has been broken down by everyone.

Bad Mother Facebreaker
Bad Mother Facebreaker
#3
I was reading it with Tool in mind, and it worked pretty well. Good use of profanity, and such, like using "cum" and not making it seem juvenile. Some bits seemed to not fit the rhythm, but I don't know, maybe they fit yours. For example:

"I'd like to exchange a few words;"


seemed too short. But other than that, 'spretty good.
Quote by Mascot
yuR a fAggit
#4
1st line made me laugh with it's crudeness.

I'd build on that idea though, use sex more. Or pissing, if you're into that kind of stuff.

But as for the piece, I think it was pretty lost. As in it has little direction. You need to evaluate a more prominant idea in my opinion.

Knuckledust that f.uck,


That line was cool though.

Nice and agressive.
#5
okay... i know i'm supposed to be mature about this...

but...
LOL

okay i got it over with... i liked the use of profanity, as another said: "It's not used in a juvenile way"... though sometimes it seems a little bit unneeded but hey, whatever floats your boat.


and it adds to the darkness/grittyness of the song.

reminds me of NIN (sorry if you weren't going for that kinda sound)
#7
*evil laugh*
Like it man. Dirty, crude, un-called-for-swearing....
but it works, like gravity.
Quote by calvinthecanadi
I'm now an official Franzaholic.


Meep is a word.
Use it.
#10
i think the second time you say "let the flowers have fun" you should have it say "and let the flowers have THEIR fun" just to switch it up a bit.
#11
this is the first song that I have ever seen on the website that actually has any type of true 'shock value' which is more or less a good thing.

"Knuckledust that f.uck" is absalutely amazing by the way... I might have to start using that in everyday speech.

This is much better than it has any right to be Flow is great, ideas are rather shocking, it definitely fits in the mold of what you are creating. Ladies and Gentlemen we have ourselves a song!

keep up the good work