#1
reality has spit in my face
the smell of sex is surrounding this place
search carefully but dont turn back
pop a pill a little bit of prozac
back from a search with your blind eyes
ive found a women who trys and trys

dance away your emotions
the smell of sex is in your motions
so il wait and wait
for you to slow down
ill get lost in words profound


slow down women
your going to fast
i cant keep up
it reminds me of the past
one short night
that was really long


il finish it later
Last edited by manthtscrazy at Jun 12, 2006,
#2
A good song which fits the subject. I just have a few niggles though.

Reality has spat in my face
Just a grammatical correction here

Also I'm not sure about the second stanza, especially the phrase "a mouth so round" It doesn't seem as powerful as the rest of the song.
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#3
I like it. The first stanza is great. The second is good, but the last line takes a lot away. I think if you change "ill get lost in a mouth so round" it'll be almost perfect. I don't think it fits that well but maybe, "Lost in words far too profound"? Oh, and it is a little short, but you may be going for that. I'd give it an 8/10.