#1
(low, distorted, staccato rhythm riff with high fast paced melody)
(whispered, very staccato)
I'm alone
You left me here
My life is gone
You think its alright
(now sung to the pitch of the melody)
You ran along
With another
Left me longing
For you're touch
They call me crazy
Cause I want you
No matter how you treat me
My love is true


(riff changes to open power chord rhythm and mellowed almost jazzy melody)
It's not ok
The way you act
You seem so distant
So far away
But it's true that I love you
Through all the problems
And that makes it
...Justified


(2nd riff and singing style)
You do wrong
Try to justify it
I do wrong
You shove it in my face
They call me crazy
Cause you're so untrue
But everyday
I'll still love you

(Repeat chorus)

(outro, arppegiated chords, slowly picked)
It's not ok
It is ok
Everybody's right
I know I'm wrong
But in my head
I know it's alright
Maybe even...justified
#2
its interesting indeed. as far as a piece of literature goes, its not a piece we will be seeing in english classes any time soon. but with the description of the music you gave, i had a pretty kickass tune going in my head. you could turn this into a great song with the right music behind it, and it seems like youve got the right idea. overall 7/10. nice work bro

#3
i can definately hear the music to it in my head which is a plus side. the lyrics flowed well. nice work.
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#4
It's pretty good, but I don't like the way how you would rhyme a couple lines then have a few that didn't rhyme. That's just me though, but I think it'd be good if you had it all rhyme or just didnt have ay of it rhyme. It's good that you have an idea for the guitar parts, I find putting the two things together the hardest part of writing songs. I'd give it an 8/10.
#5
i agree with zeus. 7/10.

i suppose the biggest turnoff i have about this song is your rhyming of "true" with "you" in the end of both verses. if you can find a way to express yourself using different words, then it might take away from some of the predictability factor you have going on in those verses. unless, you wrote that intentionally so that it would catch on easier for your listening public. depends what you're going for, really.

i especially like the way you use the word "justified" in the chorus, but i think re-using that word in the 2nd verse (for me anyway) takes away from the impact that word has in the chorus.

aside from that, this piece seems to flow well, so i look forward to reading more of your work in the future.