#1
My eveil twin doesn't speak:
He vomits Pong beats wrapped in the sound of
helicopter blades spinning violently.
He made love all over your mother's face.
He buried the love kittens up to their necks.
He became John Malkovich and refused to leave.

My evil twin can't stand on two feet,
So he travels on all fours so that it scares the
shit out of silver-screen babies.
He impregnated his wolf lover but ate the offspring.
Ripped her head off and made love to the neck.
He's vile goddamnit,
But he's family.

Girls doing whip-its at the after party
(And after the party it's the hotel lobby, broseph),
If there were aquariums they would've fallen into them.
My evil twin has tennis rackets for eyes.
He has Bacardi for blood.
His spit is 100 proof.
His kiss will fuck a girl from the mouth on down.
They have to pixalate him from the waist down.

"Please God, he's coming for my tie and new kicks...he's been
keeping a mission log of this whole thing. He's got so much
shit on all of us. Suicide pills in hand now."

He's vulgur but he's family.
He's heartless but he has it all figured out.
He's a cold shower in your pocket.
And from the moment you stare deep into his eyes,
face dripping hot with bubbling cum and chunks of flesh,
You're pudding,
And you're his.
Poor advice.
#2
Great title. Very intense. A little too graphic for me in some parts, but genius nonetheless. 9/10.
Quote by BumOffBarney
And everyone in this thread, get a life. With the exception of trexgrinder or something like that
#3
i think i really like your evil twin. he sounds like the internet-embellished version of chuck norris that we all know and love, except infected with a superhuman strain of rabies.

i would give this a ****ing twelve out of ten, if you took out the line:
"He made love all over your mother's face."
and if you change the spelling of pixalate to pixelate.

mine's in my sig, if you don't mind.
#4
****ing awesome. I seriously loved it.

"He's vile, goddamnit,
But he's family."

That line was great.
#5
I dont know if I've mentioned this to you before but if not I guess I'll do it now:

You are ****ing amazing and I cant put my finger on why. I have loved everything I've read from you and I'm genuinely excited whenever you post a new one (and that only stands for you and ThePickups so you can think of it as fairly prestegious). I think its your excellent sense of randomness but relevance you seem to have with all of your lines.

Anyway, think of this as an 'I owe you' crit and I'll edit this post later with my actual crit of the piece.
#7
Evil twin pieces have been done to death but I love Devo references and I love Star Fox so Kudos, buddy.
"His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean" - Lay Lady Lay
#8
Just decided to make a new post because I can:

My eveil twin doesn't speak: nice line to start with, really sets the mood (or so I thought. did you mean to mispell 'eveil' though? If you did I would be in awe
He vomits Pong beats wrapped in the sound of a little choppy, but very cool
helicopter blades spinning violently.
He made love all over your mother's face.A little (and by little I mean alot) juvinille, I get what your saying and what your trying to do but I think you could think of something more shocking
He buried the love kittens up to their necks.
He became John Malkovich and refused to leave.I dont know why but I hate this line... meh. thus far its pretty good

My evil twin can't stand on two feet,
So he travels on all fours so that it scares the
**** out of silver-screen babies.its amazing that you can take a phrase so simple and seemingly stupid into such great imagery
He impregnated his wolf lover but ate the offspring.
Ripped her head off and made love to the neck. very shocking, very cool, those are the only two phrases I can use
He's vile goddamnit,
But he's family. for some reason, i felt this took away from the piece. its a great line and all, but it seems out of place

Girls doing whip-its at the after party
(And after the party it's the hotel lobby, broseph), hahahaha
If there were aquariums they would've fallen into them. excellent line
My evil twin has tennis rackets for eyes. i dont paticularly like this one, but i suppose its just preference
He has Bacardi for blood.
His spit is 100 proof.
His kiss will **** a girl from the mouth on down.
They have to pixalate him from the waist down. this is brilliant right here, perfect mix of everything present in the piece

"Please God, he's coming for my tie and new kicks...he's been
keeping a mission log of this whole thing. He's got so much
**** on all of us. Suicide pills in hand now." excellent

He's vulgur but he's family.
He's heartless but he has it all figured out.
He's a cold shower in your pocket.
And from the moment you stare deep into his eyes,
face dripping hot with bubbling cum and chunks of flesh, gruesome and brilliant
You're pudding,
And you're his.

I really enjoyed it, it was half gruesome, half funny, half brilliant, and half crap: excellent mix.

EDIT: would you look at my new one please: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=370229
Last edited by #1 synth at Jun 4, 2006,
#9
hmmm...sry for this really crappy crit, but i haven't much to say...
Good use of imagery, but at parts it gets a little TOO intense for me, just cause i'm a nice little boy, lol. Anyway, nice job overall...don't really like the rhyme scheme though.
9/10

Could you crit mine? The links in the sig if you have time.