#1
alright, i just wrote this tell me what you think:
p.s. although this sounds unpatriotic, i actually like our country, i just am ashamed of some of our principles, mainly the ones having to do with war

We've got the bomb ready to drop
plans for a wall are in the shop
we know how to do things right
the only way is to divide
lets make a country bred on hate
we should kill and celebrate

what to write
nothing to say
guess its time now to complain
take a look at our country
greed from sea to shallow sea
look at them and look at me
am i the only one that sees?

look around, its all the same
we're the only ones to blame
was a good idea at the time
now i'll write a couple rhymes
will we be killed by a disease?
nice guess
now try the war machine
as its gears grind onward
i shouldn't write another word

what to write
nothing to say
guess its time now to compain
take a look at our country
greed from sea to shallow sea
look at them then look at me
am I the only one that sees?
#2
I like it , personally I don't really care if it's a song, poem or whatever it is .. I like to read things that are entertaining or interesting. Generally, as a rule, I don't respond to things that I don't really like. yours sounds much more like a song than mine ever will. I suppose I could change mine and turn it more into a song but I am building a garage and landscaping my yard at the same time... I just had a few rainy days and was getting bored... take care .. PS.. nothing unpatriotic about questioning leadership. ( especially when it is as poor as it is ) ha ha .. keep it up, you have potential.
#3
thanks alot, yeah i was just afraid people would take mine the wrong way or misinterpret the sarcasm or somethin, byt the way urs was great and i think that with some sylable cuts it'd be artwork, anyway i need some friggin crits