#1
I've been away from my regular writing duties of late, but hopefuly returning for a while. Full crit for crit. This song is about lust and drugs.

?Nervousness, Anxiety, Panic Attack!?
My brain teases me
As I cease to function
Bring on the headache
And appropriate connection
Now I can't tell
The time to function
Oh, bring on the headache
And appropriate connection

I swear, I swear, I swear
She keeps telling that to me
I swear, I swear, I swear
She'll keep telling that to me

Argue with numbers
They?ll only cease to function
Take down the mirror
To divide coke in the reflection
I hope you fight
I hope you fight
I hope you fight
I hope you fight

I swear, I swear, I swear
She keeps telling that to me
I swear, I swear, I swear
She'll keep telling that to me

Now a mess
All stressed out
Beat it off the back porch
After being brought to attention
No one is in need of the panic
Don?t let it get to her
She hasn?t found a need
For positive association
Just the eyes
Watch them roll
Watch them roll
Watch them roll
Oh, watch them roll

Argue with numbers
They?ll only cease to function
Take down the mirror
To divide coke in the reflection
Now watch my eyes
Watch them roll
Watch them roll
Now watch them roll
Watch them roll
Watch them roll
Oh, watch them roll
The Devil may.
Last edited by ShaneTheMan at Jun 11, 2006,
#2
I dont get it
VENUSIAN
FB SC BC TW
Patterns In The Ivy present ethnicity on an intriguing and dedicated level. ~Ambient Exotica
A mesmeric melange of yearning voice, delicate piano and carefully chosen samples. ~Lost Voices
#3
its very System-esque lyrics, but i dont get the feeling of drug lust from it... has more of a prodigy video feel to it in my eyes, good none the less, but severe metaphor makes its meaning complicated
=MAY THE HAND OF GOD STRIKE THEM DOWN=

+Rip Dimebag+


Gear:

Ibanez RG170
Epiphone SG Standard G400
Yamaha Pacifica 012
Boss Metal Zone MT2
Boss V-WAH
Digitech Whammy
Spider Line 6 II 30W
#5
Thank you for the nice comments. ^If you dont get it (rabidguitarist) then dont waste time just telling me that. What I meant to say was, this song is about drugs AND lust, not neccesairly lust FOR them. Thankyou.
The Devil may.
#6
Quote by ShaneTheMan
I've been away from my regular writing duties of late, but hopefuly returning for a while. Full crit for crit. This song is about lust and drugs.

?Nervousness, Anxiety, Panic Attack!?
My brain teases me
As I cease to function
Bring on the headache
And appropriate connection
Now it teases me
Teases to function
Oh, bring on the headache
And appropriate connection
This line is written very nicely, I can only assume that you were talking about the effects, correct? anyway, nice use of imagery here, but i don't really like the rhyme scheme, of course, you make it work.

Argue with numbers
They?ll only cease to function
Take down the mirror
To divide coke in the reflection
I hope you fight
I hope you fight
I hope you fight
I hope you fight
I don't really like this line, it doesn't seem to flow that well with the rest of the song, also, the descriptions and imagery aren't as strong in this part.

Now a mess
All stressed out
Beat it off the back porch
After being brought to attention
No one is in need of the panic
Don?t let it get to her
She hasn?t found a need
For positive association
Just the eyes
Watch them roll
Watch them roll
Watch them roll
Oh, watch them roll
Nice use of imagery once again, I don't really like the use of the repeating the line"watch them roll" three times, but it is a nice us of emphasis.

Argue with the numbers
They?ll only cease to function
Take down the mirror
To divide coke in my reflection
Watch them roll
Watch them roll
Watch them roll
Oh, watch them roll


Overall, a nicely written piece, but i think you could revise a bit,
8.5/10

The link mines in the sig, once you find the time
thx
#7
I think what you were trying to get at was what happens when overusage kicks in and the effect isnt what it used to be. Arguing with the numbers might refer to the amount of times a drug has been taken? I like that idea a lot. I liked the part about trying to prevent a loved one from starting drugs or something along those lines. "she hasnt found a need for positive association" pretty good.
plz crit if you please. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=370991
#8
Hmmm, Im impressed you understand that, thanky ou for looking into the meaning or possible meanings of this peace. Im going to crit yours right now.
The Devil may.
#9
I liked this song and the whole meaning behind it... Although- some of the rhyming I didn't think flowed well- it was still awesome and I'm sure you can get the rhymes to sound great when put to sound. I love drug related songs and you did a good job describing an experience.
#10
I updated the song, reworded it a little so it would flow better, and wrote a new peace into it. The recorded version of this song isnt like a full band song, just beats and electronic, focusing on the lyrics and beat.
The Devil may.
#13
all of it seems to have gone the way u planned it. can u crit this?
Mihir Bajaj
6/29/05
Solace
V1: When the lights go out
And there?s no spiritual faith
I?ll sit here all alone
And wait for the daybreak

Never has loneliness been bitter
Life tough but none?s better
Out here in the cold
Nowhere were sadder tales told

Ch: In this fake beauty scene
The world is always mean
Everyone shall tell of this
While I sit in solace

A red sun has risen
Parting all of the mist
Blinding all who would look
Misery?s lips have been kissed

V2: Lament created this memorial
Where those who rise fall
Ashes scattered in the soil
While their remains all dissolve

As you drown in sorrow
Think it?ll leave u tomorrow
Never ever be lone again
This isn?t where it ends

Bridge: The Ocean takes my soul/As the cathedral bells toll/Has empathy left the world? /The shadows are slowly massing
(Return to chorus and repeat it x2)
#14
What the crap man? Take this off, thats disrespectfull!
The Devil may.
Last edited by ShaneTheMan at Jun 12, 2006,