#1
Alright, so I've been hanging around UG, kind of in the backdrop, for a while now. I decided to get off my lazy ass (well, not really) and write some lyrics. I wrote this song while I was sitting in Social Studies as an alternative to doing my work. Who does homework anyways?

Anyways, here it is. If you didn't get it already, the title of the song is Threat, and I wrote it for a thrash band I'm trying (key word) to start.

You can see it
We all see it
Visions of betrayers

Through the dust
Of greed and lust
The outline of the slayers

CHORUS:

Strain to see it through the fear
Shrapnel high explosive
See the threat of nuclear
Shrapnel high explosive
Take a look into the mirror
Shrapnel high explosive
Though it kills we hold it dear
Shrapnel high explosive

Visions visions
We all see them
See the propagators

Protest protest
They won't care
The killer bloody flayers

(chorus)

War is finished
Flaming waste
A monument to power

Crushed destroyed
Democracy
Mankind's darkest hour

(chorus)

Now scorched Earth
A sentement
To man's eternal pain

Life extinguished
One fell swoop
Never to burn again

(chorus)

That's it, so please leave a crit (wow, I rhyme too much ).
Rig

Jackson DK2M -> ISP Decimator -> Peavey 6505 Combo
#2
I like it alot. It's a little different from what most people write. I also like how you rhyme.
©Ibanez4
#3
lol...no you dont rhyme too much, in fact, i like this rhyme scheme more than most every thing else i read. Also, its a good message sent, and despite the short verses, the imagery is fairly good. 9/10

Can you check out mine? the links in my sig if you have the time .
#4
Ibanez4 - thanks, comments noted!

AAA_the_band - thanks for the comments, i will check yours out.

Anyone else? This is my first and comments are appreciated.
Rig

Jackson DK2M -> ISP Decimator -> Peavey 6505 Combo
#5
I liked this! I can imagine it fitting very well to the type of music you wanna put to it. I enjoyed the structure of the verses, and I loved how the "visions visions" and "protest protest" were phrased. This isn't my best genre to work in, but I still liked this song a lot. good job!
Dem Dry Bones
Current read: I Am America (And You Can Too) (Stephen Colbert)
Album of the Week: Four Thieves Gone (The Avett Brothers)
#6
Quote by doctor_rocker
I liked this! I can imagine it fitting very well to the type of music you wanna put to it. I enjoyed the structure of the verses, and I loved how the "visions visions" and "protest protest" were phrased. This isn't my best genre to work in, but I still liked this song a lot. good job!


w00t, I appreciate it. Nice to hear such good things!
Rig

Jackson DK2M -> ISP Decimator -> Peavey 6505 Combo