#1
Blackened are the thoughts of you.
Anger, the name of the game.
Evil in "BLOOD" Gaspard chose for you.
A reaction to another's shame.

A sun emitting darkness.
An ocean turning black.
As fire is the same as the sun.
And rain no longer lacks.

Howling wind blows in the face,
It draws you closer now.
An evil face, blows in with grace.
With darkness on it's brow.

The presence now is known to all,
What was made now cannot show.
The synyster obscenity
conducts with the utmost sorrow.

I dont know, what do you think.
#2
i like it. it would appear as though the song would progress faster and faster in tempo, and i think that could work well. as a poem, this is a very good piece of writing. how it translates into song form is another matter. again, it rhymes well, flows well... but i feel the need for a chorus to ground us in the song.

good stuff though.

plz crit either of the songs in my sig when you have the time.
#3
Personally, this seems like a good first or second draft for what could be an awsome song or piece of writing. It has a nice vibe going for it, and i enjoy the flow. Add some length and sharpen the edges and youll have a great little piece of writing. Good job!
The Devil may.