#1
yo ch-check it out... comment it if u feel inclined to do so...
*oops... kinda messed up the copy and paste aspect of posting so here is the entire song this time

?Take the Time?

(verse one)
It's hard to believe that all the faces that you see,
will only hang around maybe for a century.
I don't know about you but that seems way too short for me

(verse two)
it's depressing to see peoples money get in the way of everything,
it blinds them so that they can't see all the world has to offer them
But its not their fault we can blame society someday maybe their eyes will see...


(chorus)
I'm not gonna let that happen to me
Smoke my mind and lay staring up at the sky
Gazing up at the setting sun and the stars emerging
I'm gonna take it all in before i have to go

(verse)
sitting here on the beach waves crahing endlessly
Feeling like im a baby in my mama?s arms, its so fulfilling
And I can?t see why people are worried bout dyin? cause
Everything we need is laid out here right in front of me

(verse)
Live each day as your last and do it peacefully
Live in the moment but keep you head looking forward
or you might miss the next
"the world will not know true peace until the power of love overcomes the love of power"
-Jimi Hendrix
Last edited by ellisguitarman at Jun 6, 2006,
#2
i fixed it so you guys can now proceed to critic it if ya want to
"the world will not know true peace until the power of love overcomes the love of power"
-Jimi Hendrix
#3
this is a good song...I really like how you use the internal rhyming in your lines that don't rhyme at the end...And i like how you could make the lines that long and still have a flow and sound good. Your use of imagery was fantastic, i could almost see it.

9.5/10, this cause i didn't really think masterpiece as a i read it, but i did think it was extraordanarily good.

Thx for the crit btw
#4
thank you very much AAA, anyone else have any feedback for me?
"the world will not know true peace until the power of love overcomes the love of power"
-Jimi Hendrix
#5
I like the way it flows. It also has a really nice rhyme scheme. I don't know why but i sort of pictured it as a likin park song but either way the lyrics are great. 8/10.
©Ibanez4
#6
I like it a lot. It has great flow for the fact that you have such long lines... It makes life seem so depressing the way that you put it, but then again, I always feel like life isnt long enough for some people and they are wasting the little time they have left. 9/10 Anyways, do me a favor and crit mine...
#7
anyone else?
"the world will not know true peace until the power of love overcomes the love of power"
-Jimi Hendrix
#8
I liked the first verse. The rest wasn't bad; nice words and rhymes, but content was a little cliched.
#9
thnx man anyone else?
"the world will not know true peace until the power of love overcomes the love of power"
-Jimi Hendrix