#1
i just wrote these lyrics and wondered what everyone thought.

the song is supposed to be calm throughout and then go 'mental' during the outro.

verse 1:

is this a money?
or a social thing?
it's about intelligence
so why are you better than me?


chorus:

in ball
on the floor
cawing
no
i don't know
why


verse 2

is it just an appearance thing?
cos i'm not oil painting?
that you stand over me
smiling beams and daggers at me


chorus:

in ball
on the floor
cawing
no
i don't know
why


outro:

you used to think yourself better than me
like you were fucking royalty
until i met you on the street
and proved that blue blood runs red
when it hits the concrete


opinions? suggestions? improvements?
#3
Short but sweet, "proved that blue blood runs red // when it hits the concrete" are my favourite lines. Good use of imagery and metaphor in the verses but the chorus is slightly lacking. How long is this song exactly? and how heavily does it rely on the lyrics?
Love is not a victory march.
#4
Rather angsty... but not bad. However, the chorus didn not make any sense to me... that might just be my fault though (???). This was pretty good, but I didnt think it was all that unique.

If you can get around to critiquing mine, I'd really appreciate it, man: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=5778053#post5778053
Dem Dry Bones
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