#1
THis song is pretty emo..you know the whole everyone hate me i slit my wrist thing...its about my best friend who commited suicide....since he was my best friend i could easily use specific...i havent reallly edited or thought about it...i just dont really like the end...any sugestions??? crits or rates will be greatly appreciated


I hate you.
I love you.
But I can't ****ing understand you.

I was born to serve.
The greater good.
To save us from the oppresion.
I am the oppresion.
And I won't give up!

You can stab me.
And you can shoot me.
But you can't hurt me,
I slit my wrist.

I won't give up.
Your time has come.
Now put your ****ing hands up!
It's yor turn to suffer!

I will not die in peace.
I live in "heaven"
And I am the devil.

Allison says she loves me.
The priest says I am a child of god.
Liars!

How can she love me.
When she doesnt even care.
I wish she'd called me.
But she wouldn't dare.

How can I be gods son.
When I am his opposite.
I am the devils advocate.
I live to hate.
And for that i'm evil.

Allison,
If you love me.
Prove it!

God,
If I am your son.
Prove it!

I am the hateful romantic.
And the doubting Thomas.
I am treated like a heretic.
But I promise.

I won't be forgotten.
I won't be lost in this fake world.
I'll kill every mother****er in my way.
And when i'm done i'll do myself!

And i can feel my time,
closing in.
The resistance is getting thin.

And when i'm gone.
The world will rejoice.
And hell will have a new leader.

They tell me what i do is a sin.
Slitting wrists is wrong.
Move in.
And i'll show you that your the one thats wrong!

When in a pain like this.
Even a priest would slit his wrists.
So get the **** away and let me die.
You never gave a ****.

THIS IS THE ANTHEM FOR THE WRIST SLITTERS!
Quote by RockerPseudonym

Under Influence: A weird look
Minor Posession(A gram or two): Confiscation
Possession w/ intent to distribute(Lots, all bagged out): Jail.
The look on your face when the dealer tells you it's laced with crack: Priceless
#2
I give you my sympathy... I think you need to be more subtle if you are going to write about something as personal as this. I would refrain from swearing in a song like this. I think you need some more time to think about what your friend did, because the song, in this state, seems a little harsh. That is my 2 cents...
#3
yeah thank you for your crit...i dont write too much...but ill try to do what u said next time....


already 56 views yet no more crits rates.?....
Quote by RockerPseudonym

Under Influence: A weird look
Minor Posession(A gram or two): Confiscation
Possession w/ intent to distribute(Lots, all bagged out): Jail.
The look on your face when the dealer tells you it's laced with crack: Priceless
Last edited by I'minaband at Jun 5, 2006,
#4
Quote by I'minaband


I hate you.
I love you.
But I can't ****ing understand you.

I was born to serve.
The greater good.
To save us from the oppresion.
I am the oppresion.
And I won't give up!



I like that part. Not a big fan about the rest of it.
©Ibanez4
#5
haha yeah not many ppl are.. but thnx for your time
Quote by RockerPseudonym

Under Influence: A weird look
Minor Posession(A gram or two): Confiscation
Possession w/ intent to distribute(Lots, all bagged out): Jail.
The look on your face when the dealer tells you it's laced with crack: Priceless
#7
My dad hung himself, so I know a lot about suicide, and I think you could make it a little more emotional. Really put what you feel into it, it had to hurt you. Metaphors are always nice in songs!
#8
Quote by DanteR*
I give you my sympathy... I think you need to be more subtle if you are going to write about something as personal as this. I would refrain from swearing in a song like this. I think you need some more time to think about what your friend did, because the song, in this state, seems a little harsh. That is my 2 cents...


Any chance you thought maybe this is how he feels?

I'd be ****ing pissed if my best friend took the selfish way out. If I wrote a song (which i wouldn't cause i ain't that creative), i'd probably be harsh and full of swearing.
#9
You don't know if you'd be more pissed or upset, your both. It's selfish but sad at the same time, and a lot of the time these people don't think it's selfish, in their heads it's for the best for everyone else.