#1
The first time i met you,
I thought you were the one,
The one who i could,
Be with forever

As time passed on,
Things just got worst,
Your lust for me,
Proved to be a joke.

*chorus*
Now I sit here waiting,
With this knife in my hand,
Wondering if,
Ill take my life tonight,

And ill sit here wondering,
Are you thinking of me,
Then ill remember,
All the lies that youve told me

*filler*
And it hurts,
And i dont know why,
And it hurts,
Will it ever end


im still working on more lyrics.....
#2
If you want to be cliche I have to say this. Good job. But if you dont want to be cliche it isn't good.
Quote by Qazxs
I got kicked out of a Mac store when me and my friends simultaneously put on meatspin on all of the computers in the store. Some eleven or twelve year old looking girls there freaked out.
#3
Wow. That song is... well, really ass. My advice? Write better lyrics.
Member #12 of the "Claudio Sanchez is god" Club. PM stepco12345 to join!
#4
can I give you an example of breaking up a cliche stanza into a perfectly respectable artsy-stanza-that-might-not-make-alot-of-sense-because-its-1am-in-the-morning-but-still-is-probably-better-than-what-you-have?

(and no there was no point to hyphanating that)

The first time i met you,
I thought you were the one,
The one who i could,
Be with forever

*TRANSFORMATION A-LA SYNTH*

Locked into the grandfather clock,
Ticking, ticking, ticking away
While I was fitting, fitting, fitting today
Back in the puzzle box that it came in

Locked into the blackberry tart
An empty molded piece of foreverness
I wish i could discect you apart
Cause I wanna know what poisen you slipped me
You slipped right into my Heart

....
so, uh, this didnt help you at all and it was kinda crap... so uh, go read the lyrics tips thread!
Last edited by #1 synth at Jun 6, 2006,