#1
This is a song about songwriting, not knowing if you can make it big in a band and losing sleep ( kinda weird )
I think this is pretty good for a 14 year old beginner songwriter


Hollow imprints of heartfelt words,
Washing away the pain and the hurt,
But If I could just have one hour to rip the scabs off the earth,
I would show you exactly how much you are worth,

I see the heatwave ripping slowly through the air,
Misty reflection that is blocking off my stare,
Gazing out at the mirror on my wall,
Broken glass and I will see through this all,

Awfully jaded now despite that we are still young,
Showing me how quickly I am going to burn up,
When you're waking up to everyday carrying these numb hands,
Losing a grasp on all your dreams and all your plans

Chorus
You told me something special was coming my way,
It's about time I split the lies down the drain,
(I realise now)
Everyone here is the same,
Everyone is dying in vain,
We're serving our hearts out on a plate,
In return we are receiving an infinite pain
Last edited by AutoLife at Jun 6, 2006,
#3
Nice. Yea it's pretty good for a 14 yr. old beginner songwriter. I am one myself.
©Ibanez4
#4
It's pretty good.

I've only got complaints with the simple rhyme scheme, but then the fact you lose it in the third stanza.

But other than that, respectable.
#5
You can't expect the rythme scheme to be good in a 14 year old, they don't have that big of a vocabulary, I suggest getting a rythming dictionary, they have some on the internet too. It's really good, it's original, and I like it.
#6
everyone hear seem to think that every song has to ryhme for some reason, and what is a rythme scheme
Last edited by AutoLife at Jun 7, 2006,
#7
Quote by AutoLife
everyone hear seem to think that every song has to ryhme for some reason, and what is a rythme scheme


True, a song does not have to rhyme on ever line. But you want to throw in rhymes, and when you do, make sure they make sense. You should read the new lyrics tip thread.

Also, is this song about a personal experience?
Or are you trying to play it off as one?
#8
it's a dramatization of personal experience, like most personal experience songs
My 'friend' said it was **** and he started going on with words he didn't know the meaning of and acting like he was an expert, he handed me his song in a 'here's how its done' fashion, and the lyrics included these different lines: I'm a cold hard killer with sense for violence, I'll keep trucking e.t.c. pure BS if you ask me seeing as he's 16 and has been writing way longer than me
Last edited by AutoLife at Jun 8, 2006,
#9
I never said it had to ryhme, but the point is, they're going for ryhming. It's just really simple, and actually, I prefer a song without a ryhme scheme.