#1
Town of Me and You

passed out and im lovin every minute of it
i just need to get away
from all of this

when i wake im gonna start a new life
one where
we all know everything

you can join me but you must forget this
we will start out fresh
and clean but yet

promise me you will never leave my life
my hand
clenched by yours

we can be all alone in a new world
leave it all behind
leave with me now

Chorus
im all ive got
wont you come with me
im fallin apart
we can be clean

we'll start out new
in a town of me and you
we can build from there
we can breathe a new air

we will never have to say sorry
'cus everything we do
is right in our heads

im told im wrong for makin such decisions
(it's) 'cus they have never felt
what I feel now

we can learn and be taught a new way of life
from wise
and you and me

they thoguht they could raise their own way
but no
i had a different idea

so now we're off and im never gonna look back
ive left my mark
on this town

Chorus
im all ive got
wont you come with me
im fallin apart
we can be clean

we'll start out new
in a town of me and you
we can build from there
we can breathe a new air


Please Crit
I'm Back.


[STAY THIRSTY, MY FRIENDS]


When Autumn comes, it doesn't ask
It just walks in where it left you last
You never know when it starts
Until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart
#2
really sorry for this crappy crit, but i dont really write or read or listen to this kind of work.

ANyway...I will just say in general, good lyrics and rhyme schemes, and nice use of imagery and metaphor. The flow of the song could be better but it works out.

Again sorry for the ****ty crit, if you post another i'll do better, i promise lol .

If you have time could you check out mine? the links are in the sig, you can take your pick, as there are two of them, but i would prefer you to crit the first one.
#3
thanks for the crit, ill check yours out
I'm Back.


[STAY THIRSTY, MY FRIENDS]


When Autumn comes, it doesn't ask
It just walks in where it left you last
You never know when it starts
Until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart
#5
nice lyrics even though its not quite my style... i don't think i would change anything its pretty good the way you already have it. sry for this ****ty crit but i don't see much wrong with it. could you check out mine called something profound? thnx in advance man.

~Ellis
"the world will not know true peace until the power of love overcomes the love of power"
-Jimi Hendrix
#6
I've heard it before, it's the same **** in every song. Run away with me, we can start a new. There's already a ton of songs about that. I want to read something original. It's just extremely simple for me, not really any metaphors, and sorry guys, but the imagery isn't that great either. Post something else, something you've put more effort into.