#1
comments or suggestions would be pretty rad... oh ya this is to a jazzy/blues acoustic piece so... ya here ya go

Something Profound...

Look up out my window pane,
Up into this clear blue sky.
Up in my brain my synapses start to fire,
And im wonderin if this is all just a waste of time.

(chorus)
Close your eyes and open your mouth
Let the morning wash over your face,
Come back here now we need to start walking round and round
If we manage to see it all it would be quite profound.


Can you tell me what would happen to me if I talked to the sea?
You would just wisely say "the same thing that happened to me."
I think that is just a bit to deep for me, my mind can't see what you just told me.

(chorus)


(bridge)
One time I saw all the bumps on the horizon stand up just like you and me.
I stared at them in wonderfully, then one came and kissed my cheek
This was all just too much for me to take so I had to fake my enjoyment of the scene.
"the world will not know true peace until the power of love overcomes the love of power"
-Jimi Hendrix
#2
no one has anything to say...?
"the world will not know true peace until the power of love overcomes the love of power"
-Jimi Hendrix
#4
what im conveying in these lyrics is just stopping and noticing the world that we live in and how beautiful it is and stuff like that...
"the world will not know true peace until the power of love overcomes the love of power"
-Jimi Hendrix
#5
well i dont know if its just me, but it doesnt come across like that. maybe with music itll sound better, but lyrically i didnt like it too much. sorry, but i see some talent with rhyming. just think of some better meanings i guess. and remember this is all coming from a 13 year old kid, so what do i know.
#6
ok thnx man... i guess u have to read into it a bit to see some of the meaning in the verse's. Anyone else have comments or crits?

~Ellis
"the world will not know true peace until the power of love overcomes the love of power"
-Jimi Hendrix
#7
I think you should put some more imagery in it. But that's just me.
©Ibanez4
#8
really more imagery? i think i have abunch in there... ill take it into consideration though. thnx ibanez... anyone else?
"the world will not know true peace until the power of love overcomes the love of power"
-Jimi Hendrix
#9
just a note but you rhyme me with itself 3 times and thats rather a problem. the rest of it has good imagery and a good sense of poetry. awesome off-rhyme in the first stanza. good job, nothing else to say... this is the worst crit I've ever writ, I'm sorry.
#10
haha thnx for the crit... i just realized that i rhymed me with itself 3 times. oh well i think it works ok in the song. thnx again bud.. anyone else?
"the world will not know true peace until the power of love overcomes the love of power"
-Jimi Hendrix