#1
Alright... my friend (and bass player in my band) wrote this song... it is our first so tell us what you think. Thanks.

It was a late night
I took the bus home
I didn't realize
I'm all alone
I soon forgot
The things you said to me
Now I'm laying down
And I'm just watching the T.V


The next day
i waited for you
at home
sitting by the telephone
i'm nervous and now i can't relax
and now i realize you're never coming back


I Miss The Late Nights We Spent Together
it seems they're gone and lost forever
And it seems that
you have dissapeared
But you know that
I'm waiting right here


At dinner
I couldn't even eat
And At Night
I Find It hard to sleep
It's so hard and I hate it
Please come back
Cause Now I feel real bad


I Miss The Late Nights We Spent Together
it seems they're gone and lost forever
And it seems that
you have dissapeared
But you know that
I'm waiting right here


We will probably add more to it, but thats it for now... does it have potential? oh... and just for reference, its like punk/ pop punk
AMERICA
AMERICA
AMERICA
Last edited by Gibson06 at Jun 6, 2006,
#2
I loved it! It's got a real poppy flow to it which works really well. Could use a few more verses though.
#3
lyrically, this kinda sucks.

as a song, it's not bad.

just really simple, some of it just doesn't make sense, other parts of it are just stupid.
BUY SOME PHOTOS..Click here, and then click 'store'

Quote by GOD*OF*ROCK
lol man plz dont take this the wrong way but you really cant rap.
#4
Quote by Gibson06
Alright... my friend (and bass player in my band) wrote this song... it is our first so tell us what you think. Thanks.

It was a late night
I took the bus home
I didn't realize
I'm all alone
I soon forgot
The things you said to me
Now I'm laying down
And I'm just watching the T.V



I didn't really like this too much. It just didn't really grab me. A very common concept. But the rest of the song after that is good.
©Ibanez4
#5
Thanks for all of the cits. ANyone need any in return? Happy to do it.
AMERICA
AMERICA
AMERICA
#6
you can look at mine, if you want.

it's called ''
BUY SOME PHOTOS..Click here, and then click 'store'

Quote by GOD*OF*ROCK
lol man plz dont take this the wrong way but you really cant rap.
#7
Very, um, blah.

No great inspiration, lack of intriguing ideas- I just read through this in a daze.

I'm sorry, didn't hit the right notes for me. Simple, basic, uninspired and just a poor piece. Try the lyrics tips thread for help on imagery, metephor and rhyme scheme- they work wonders for most.

If you could crit back, "Come Clean" is my newes tpice. Many thanks.
#11
For punk/pop-rock, I could definitly see it as a song but I thought certain rhymes were forced. I'm not sure what it is but I really like the general vibe from it though. I don't think it's well written (Cause Now I feel real bad) but I can understand what you're trying to portray when you talk about missing those 'nights we spent together'. I would advise you to try and re-write the poem compeltly as I think it has potential.