#1
this is my third song entitled "Ill get over you"
its not finished and im still not sure what order to put them in
Sorry that this is the same subject as my other songs ive posted but i got into
a bad break-up recently.

Verse1

When you left me
My heart exploded
The peices fell apart
and i cant put them
back together

Verse2

the peices pulse
because their bleeding
the shapes are misleading
and i cant put them
back together

chorus

and when i fix
my heart
the one you tore
apart
maybe ill get
over you

plz crit and ill try to crit yours
tell whats good/bad about the song
Last edited by stratkat at Jun 7, 2006,
#2
its very short... is it slow or is it just really short???? hmmmm anyway sorry for the crappy crit... bad thing about this song is that its a very steriotype subject, good thing is that i do like verse 2!! 6/10
Quote by Lord_Of_Dance.

I never understood why a girl would take a boner as a bad thing "Oh no, your attracted to me, you sick wanker." :\ x


Quote by Nelsean
Im saying this the straightest way possible, but...

I'd have sexual intercourse with your anus.
#3
It's very short, very thin on ideas and with a cliche subject such as this, it really needs something WOW to make it your own.

And this didn't have that WOW factor.

because their bleeding
the shapes are misleading


Were probably the only two lines worth keeping there.

Simple subject, little or no rhyme scheme and no real spark. 4/10. Sorry for being so harsh, but you did ask.

I suggest checking out the lyrics tips thread for ideas on imagery and metephor. alos, try to writ emore than you have, it's extremely short for a song. Also try to stay away from that subject. It is very overused.
#4
well I know to short and very cliche it needs a lot of rewriting and changing, but thanks for your time