#1
hey heres a song about summer, i'm not sure about the title, but i'd like to see what you guys thought. this is my first song and my first post here.
crit 4 crit
Last edited by runkidrun06 at Apr 12, 2008,
#2
dude...sall good....but you make it sound like i have amnesia....you dont need "remember" that many times.....also how can a cold dawn have a warm glow? good first post tho
Listen sweetie, if 'hello' dropped its 'o', would that be somthing to believe in? HH sux
#3
well i meant the "warm" to not mean warm feeling, but warm looking.. and i kinda get the point about the remembers.. do you think i should add another verse or something to the song?

EDIT:
want me to crit anything of yours?
#5
Yeah you should add some kind of bridge, or a whole other verse, or both.....im assuming your are talking about a girl.....so maybe the other verse or w/e could be about her...the way she looked or sumthin...just a thought
Listen sweetie, if 'hello' dropped its 'o', would that be somthing to believe in? HH sux
#6
yeah, i like repetition, and the chorus is pretty good.
i have also just posted my first poem, please crit- its in my sig
VENUSIAN
FB SC BC TW
Patterns In The Ivy present ethnicity on an intriguing and dedicated level. ~Ambient Exotica
A mesmeric melange of yearning voice, delicate piano and carefully chosen samples. ~Lost Voices
#7
i really really liked that man. i'd fullcrit it stanza by stanza but there's no need. i don't have anything to point out (other than the "ooh's" i'm not so keen on them, but i guess it would sound pretty cool if ya sing it) for improvements or whatever. good job. sorry for sucha lame crit, but what can you do haha
Quote by Kensai
Maybe you've heard what the ladies say: "Once you go 77mm you don't go back"
#8
not bad, but i don't like the "remember" thing. use it in the first verse and use some other word in each following one.
if you could plz say something about , i'd appreciate
Fear the angels holocaust, they're screaming
Dreams of pain forever entering your head
Death and hatred loathing, on mankind it feeds
Earth is dead and gone now, we've brought it to an end