#1
Just a bit of randomness on my part, whatever sounds cool enough to rhyme and put in somewhere. I enjoyed having a long-running rant following the chorus, hope you all do too Crit for crit, of course.


All along, and you?re losing health
The trait is true, that's said enough
The king of hearts whose heart is hurt
This blood is never all that tough

I can?t mend your broken wound
I can never stay, it?s just too soon

Breaking bread as the clouds pass by
Shaking your hand as the devil cries
Making a lie for the man who died
Taking gold from the angel's bride

I'm never here so you can't
Break me
Behind the back but she won?t
Shake me
All in all and they will
Make me
Stand alone as the demon
Takes me
Greet the rise of the sun as you and I stand idly by and watch the clouds fly by to reveal the parting gesture of the sky.

The glowing orb upon my desk
I never tried the hardest test
So much I cannot stay
Like you though I may
No trace must be allowed
To your lovely face
Leave without a mark
Is where I must start
And all in all you?ll never
Take me
#2
A nice pice.

I thought the rhyming lost a bit of structure as it went along, but it was good nonetheless.

Song? I'm guessing. I did think the chorus lacked a decent flow then. The long line didn't fit, and it was a bit stop-start.

8/10. Enjoyed it. Good Job.

I'd love it if you could crit back, "Come Clean" was still on the front page last time I looked
#3
Kinda jumps around from line to line,hard to follow for me.
I think abit of its about school...i think anyways. I know you said "abit of randomness" but i guess its a little too random 4 me. Alot of good lines here but just didnt come together well ....thats just me though