#1
this is still a rough sketch of a poem, and i haven't put a song around it yet, so i might have to alter the meter lateron. but i'd appreciate any crits (i will crit back if i can find the time, i'm a little busy with college stuff).
it's fresh and straight from the heart .

====

a long (slow?) goodbye

chorus:
it's a long (slow?) goodbye
it might hurt to strong to live
but I won't deny
there's no more that I can give

verse:
can't change the time I wasted
trying to climb your garden
of the heights I tasted
but my heart won't harden
cause a heart that hurts will beat
in it's misery's defeat

it's a long goodbye..

I try to understand it
but you can't explain a heart
all the ways I planned it
should have known it from the start
cause my brain won't cease dwell
on it's broken outer shell

it's a long goodbye
it might someday turn to leave
yet i can't deny
won't regret what I believed

=====

so, that's it, the message is pretty straight forward, but that's kinda intended. be gentle with your crits, it's my first time .
- When I was your age Pluto was still a Planet. - anonymous
Last edited by tulkas_1985 at Jun 8, 2006,