#1
It's 3 A.M. as I get home,
I was expecting to be alone,
But I look inside and my girl is there,
Sound asleep and without a care.
I return to the room, and sit right down,
But I am disturbed, by a sound,
I turn to see, who is there,
An old looking man with grey hair,
'Who are you?' I ask him,
'Someone you know well,' he replies with a grin,
'How are you? You don't look well,'
I've got problems, and he can tell.

We stand in silence, listening to the night,
It's a beautiful place, so out of sight,
I look at him, but can't find a name,
So I step closer, but he does the same,
'What do you want, and why are you here?'
'Is there anything wrong,' he asks 'with fear?'
'No' I reply, and shake my head,
'Fear can stop a man becoming dead,'
'What do you fear?' he asks of me,
But I look at him, and I want to be,
So far away, far from here,
Or somewhere else from yesteryear.

'Does she know where you were tonight?'
And the memories are burning in my mind so bright,
'You were fooling around, down the street,
But it could have been anyone who was willing to cheat,'
'You seem to know me so well,
What do you want in the name of hell?'
'There's a girl inside and she loves you,
You don't have to believe it but I promise it's true.
Now you know what you've been doing is wrong,
But it's never too late to sing another song.'
With that I turn my back and walk away,
Trying to forget all those other days,

I turn once again and the stranger is gone,
I wonder if I'll see him again before dawn?
Out to the balcony, to light a cigarette,
My head is messed up and I just don't get it,
I think about the things that I have done,
Then I scream at the very top of my lungs,
I touch my arm and feel the patch,
That hides the marks where the needle scratched,
On my shoulder I feel her hand,
I embrace her so tight and she doesn't understand
Why there's tears flowing from my eyes,
And I promise from now on, there will be no lies.

So we go back inside and I look at her,
And I'm glad that we never got rid of that mirror,
So I start to laugh as well as cry,
But I guess that she'll never know why.
Last edited by DavidfortheWin at Jun 8, 2006,
#2
great song man... that story has soul

i love the part in the second stanza...
the bit about fear, it hit me strong

great writing great rhymes

for a first post its good stuff

9/10

peace
Gear:
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#3
gotta think of a title though
Gear:
Gibson Les Paul Studio
Fender Stratocaster
Fender Telecaster
Boss TU-3
Dunlop Crybaby Wah
Boss OD-2
Boss TR-2
Boss RV-3 (best pedal ever!)
Boss BF-3
Line 6 DL4
Peavy Delta Blues 2x10
Fender Twin Reverb
Fender Blues Junior
#4
Ok so typically i dont crit new members just because i usually dont find anything i like... but i really like this like seriously ive read it 3 times now its just great. dk why i like it so much. but i really do but last line

But I guess that'll she never know why.

you need

But i guess that she'll never know why

other then that seriously awesome

-Mike

Crit mine if you like, link in sig.

btw your thread title has to be name of song, (without all that other stuff) so this might get closed, so be wary in the future, and read the faqs
#5
Yeah that line that needed to be changed was just a poor bit of grammar on my part. I don't normally make those mistakes >_<

Anyway, I appreciate the comments and if anyone else had any I'd be more than happy to hear them?
#6
AWESOME!!!!
Omg by the way...like seriously. I didnt get it at first but....wow
Well done!!! 10/10
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#7
that was incredibly well written. the flow, the atmosphere, the tone, the rhythm, the words all sound really perfect. it was very enjoyable to read. sorry for the lame comment i'm giving, but i jsut have nothing to suggest about it =]
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#8
wow, that is a great song. i tried to think of a name for it but i see why you cant get one either. its a great song. untitled is already taken for a title
#9
Wow, i wans't expecting such a positive reaction but thanks a lot everyone.

untitled is already taken for a title

Nah, untitled is NOT going to be the name of it, I just don't want to rush a title. Wait and see if i'm hit with a wave of creativity.
Last edited by DavidfortheWin at Jun 9, 2006,
#11
Not bad for a first draft or so. Since everyone else seems to enamored with the peice, I guess I'll be the one that says that it's not all that. I mean, what a great topic. And for the most part, it reads really well. Almost too well. The rhymes are generic, and for the most part terribly forced. Which to me, equates to a Dr. Suess clone. Don't get me wrong, the promise is there, and for all it's ryhming faults, there are some slick lines. But the ordinary language makes this overdone topic pretty bland.

And btw, who bothers giving a score? LOL. That humors me.
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#15
I really enjoyed these lyrics. It read very well.

As for the title: It may give away to much, but I thought...

Reflections of Me