#1
this is more of a poem...i havent actually written music to it yet...


Fade to Black

First we scream white,
a blank canvas,
innocent and clean.
True shades emerge
in time, to be seen.

Then emerges red.
Loud.
To stand out in a crowd.
Various shades
for various days.

Up grows green,
somewhere between jealousy and envy.
It is heard,
but chopped down.
Nobody wants to see.

So we cry the blues.
Dark or dark,
depending on the mood.
Jealous of the sky
as the sun comes unglued.

Screaming down with yellow.
Hope says ?goodbye,?
to say ?Hello.?
Waiting for a whisper:
?give them a try.?

?The oranges, browns,
Purples or pinks.
Have you seen what colors you mind
can think??

And as these whispers settle
where rainbows choose,
dust blocks the rays
and they can?t be used.

A final gasp of black
while the others sleep with you,
and awaken tomorrow
to start over anew.
#3
i swear i've heard that name before. aha. your better off not using the name of a well known song by any bad. especially metallica

you should call it "one". or how bout "colors of the rainbow"?
The Adults Are Talking.
Last edited by demonspeeding05 at Jun 7, 2006,
#4
Quote by demonspeeding05
i swear i've heard that name before. aha. your better off not using the name of a well known song by any bad. especially metallica


yeh they'll sue your ass.
Quote by Reverb X
I think you should touch your penis. It solves all problems.


Quote by JimmyPageda2nd
My penis is not huge.


EDIT: If anyone sigs that, I'll beat their ass.


Member of the Nobody Club:We Don't Matter Enough To Have Titles. PM gunther_sucks to join
#5
I don't see the problem.

But some people who would might be the "OMFG U COPID METLICA U POSR" n00bs.
#6
Maybe 'Fade To A Rather Darkish Gray'

?? Maybe not.




[[ Don't you ever, ever, ever trust my mercy. ]]
#7
Quote by demonspeeding05
i swear i've heard that name before. aha. your better off not using the name of a well known song by any bad. especially metallica

you should call it "one". or how bout "colors of the rainbow"?


hahaha "one" is a metallica song to.... idk its just the first thing i noticed, and it may detract from the piece because people will notice that and thats all that will be in their head as they read.

Quote by Ahh Shaith
Maybe 'Fade To A Rather Darkish Gray'

?? Maybe not.



lmfao
#8
Don't you hate it when people comment on something like that and don't pay attention to the actual piece? I sure do...I think that is considered spam...


Quote by dhampian
this is more of a poem...i havent actually written music to it yet...


Fade to Black

First we scream white,
a blank canvas,
innocent and clean.
True shades emerge
in time, to be seen. I like the first line...it's really good, that's all. I like the mention of 'innocence'.

Then emerges red.
Loud. Good
To stand out in a crowd.
Various shades
for various days. I'm not sure about how you talk about red, then go back to shades...maybe the shade part should go first in the stanza...

Up grows green, Nice. Growing and green go together well.
somewhere between jealousy and envy. I like this line as well, it goes with the saying 'Green with envy.'
It is heard,
but chopped down.
Nobody wants to see.Interesting...Chopped down green, is it because it resembles trees and vegetation?

So we cry the blues. Clever
Dark or dark,
depending on the mood.
Jealous of the sky
as the sun comes unglued.

Screaming down with yellow.
Hope says ?goodbye,?
to say ?Hello.?
Waiting for a whisper:
?give them a try.?

?The oranges, browns,
Purples or pinks.
Have you seen what colors your mind
can think??

And as these whispers settle
where rainbows choose,
dust blocks the rays
and they can?t be used. Cool...

A final gasp of black
while the others sleep with you,
and awaken tomorrow
to start over anew. Meh, this part sounds really nursery rhymey...Kind of a lame end...dunno...I really liked the rest but this last bit was kinda silly.


Now on the subject of your title...it certainly doesn't fit with your ending. I'd change it, don't know what to...it needs something that has something about sleeping colours...

Anyways...Good piece, really liked it all except the ending, sorry I didn't help too much.

8/10

Crit mine please...
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=369729
Thanks
#9
wow thanks a lot for your feedback jamminbass...aka the only feedback i got out of 7 "replies." haha. thanks again!