#1
Crit for crit as always... Tell me wacha think!

(Verse 1)
I don?t wanna be
Part of a letdown
Part of a dull sound
I want to try to escape
From the
expectations
Of civilization
I don?t wanna march in place
I?m told to fit
Into a mold
And a story told
Over and over again
You have to be
What?s expected
To be accepted
To be a man among men

(Chorus)
Does anyone know how came to be
Why is it personal preference
That determines what we believe
It?s just a substitute at best
Is there anything worth trying
Anything worth sinning for
Is living worth dieing
When we have to leave this world

(Verse 2)
People bite
The hand of the feeder
And follow the leader
With the most power and wealth
We?re told to be
Part of what once was
Do something just because
It?s done by everyone else
They say you have to
Fall into line
Believe in a lie
But that doesn?t make it hard
To become
Another clone
Believe only what?s known
And just to fake the part

(Bridge)
Not wanting to let life pass us by
We grab on tight and close our eyes
We?re at full speed; We can?t stop
Tending towards chaos
Something tells us this isn?t right
This isn?t reality; this isn?t life
Everyone?s oblivious or so it seems
And everything inside of you screams
Last edited by Oligarchy at Jun 8, 2006,
#2
i dont understand the rhyming pattern, but its pretty good otherwise.
VENUSIAN
FB SC BC TW
Patterns In The Ivy present ethnicity on an intriguing and dedicated level. ~Ambient Exotica
A mesmeric melange of yearning voice, delicate piano and carefully chosen samples. ~Lost Voices
#3
Very nice work. Is it sung slowly or fastly cuz it looks itd be hella long?
#4
The music is actually pretty slow (its all acoustic) but the words are sung at a normal speed. There are no solo's and/or intermissions in it or anything so that help's with the length. I'd say it's about 5 mins.

^^The rhyming pattern is: A, B, B, C,
D, E, E, C
#5
It was alright. I didn't understand some parts though.

Does anyone know how came to be
Why is it personal preference
That determines what we believe


Surely people choose what they believe in? Those three lines really confused me.

I thought the flow was a bit out of place, but for me the biggest problem is I don't know what your rambling on about here. I got really confused and couldn't see a point/message. If you could explain, I'm all ears

Thanks for the crit on mine
#6
Quote by Jammydude44
It was alright. I didn't understand some parts though.

Does anyone know how came to be
Why is it personal preference
That determines what we believe


Surely people choose what they believe in? Those three lines really confused me.

I thought the flow was a bit out of place, but for me the biggest problem is I don't know what your rambling on about here. I got really confused and couldn't see a point/message. If you could explain, I'm all ears

Thanks for the crit on mine

The meaning of those two lines is that we don't get to choose what's true. Personal preference should not be the basis for what we believe, but rather truth should be. We should search for truth instead of believeing whatever makes us feel better, or whatever is most convienient.