#1
This is an acoustic song I'm writing based on pride. So far i've only got the first two verses and having trouble coming up with any kind of chorus heh. But give the first two verses a look.

I see your pride
So tall
And it comes out
so small
So where is
your pedastol?
Cuz I'm the same height
as you.

And when opprotunity is an
open door
You shut it loud
and you ask for more
So get your head
out of the clouds
Cuz you're about to come
crashing down


That's all i have so far. Any ideas for a chorus would be great. I've already started writing acoustic to this, and it's really cool sounding so far.
Run!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Simply, the world was too small for a man of his ambition.
Quote by ifeastonbums
GuitarSymphony you are my hero!
Last edited by GuitarSymphony at Jun 8, 2006,
#2
I see your pride so tall
And it comes out so small

I don't really like the words used because of the contradiction but I does make sense

So where is your pedastol?
Cuz I'm the same height as you.

This is ok but it seems a bit basic in idea. This verse would probably make a good chorus.

And when opprotunity is an open door
You shut it loud and you ask for more

Explain this to me, because it makes no sense.

Overall I don't like this song but I don't hate it either. With some work and the idea flushed out it could be good. Sorry if I seem negitive and crit my work. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=373047
#3
First off, don't be lazy about your writing. Correct spelling helps the reader, and makes your work look less amateur.

I'm not sure about this piece. Personally, I really disliked the first two lines, and I thought the rhymes in this were pretty average.

I'm sorry, this piece just didn't hit the right notes for me. But I'd like to see what else you write, so I suggest you post your piece up when It's fully finished.
#4
Quote by Arius
I see your pride so tall
And it comes out so small

I don't really like the words used because of the contradiction but I does make sense

So where is your pedastol?
Cuz I'm the same height as you.

This is ok but it seems a bit basic in idea. This verse would probably make a good chorus.

And when opprotunity is an open door
You shut it loud and you ask for more

Explain this to me, because it makes no sense.

Overall I don't like this song but I don't hate it either. With some work and the idea flushed out it could be good. Sorry if I seem negitive and crit my work. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=373047


Alright, here I go. I don't feel anything wrong with the first verse. I don't want to come off as stubborn, but it really fits. It's about a person who has a big pride but when they show how prideful they really are, it comes off as just shameful and small.

And when opprotunity is an open door
You shut it loud and you ask for more


Basically, when opprotunity comes for them like forgiveness for their pride. They shut that door as loud as they can to show that they don't need it, but ask for more opprotunities when they just shot the one down given to them.


I edited to show how I sing it, so maybe it will make a little more sense.
Run!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Simply, the world was too small for a man of his ambition.
Quote by ifeastonbums
GuitarSymphony you are my hero!
Last edited by GuitarSymphony at Jun 8, 2006,