#1
Think of a world where there are no toils.
We'd have no thought for our pains and woe.
When the pen beats the gun,
And our imagination,
We'll picture an earth that we used to know.

Imagine a world where we live in freedom,
And we'll all be equal, despite all before,
When money's been burned,
And the richest are poorer,
We'll live in God's love as we did once before.

Picture a place you've been to once, somewhere,
Not in life but if only in a dream.
Now take that place,
And put yourself in it.
And think how you'd love that to be.

Now look at your life, all it's grit and sinew,
Do you really love all the troubles and pain?
But if we all dream,
For a while at least,
We can be in our heaven again.
#2
I felt a lot of emotion and that is good. I especially like the part when you said that the richest are poorer. Good job. 9/10.
©Ibanez4
#3
kl thanks. i was hopin it was worth puttin up here but it seems it was!
#4
any more feedback would be great!
Member #29 of the Fender Armada. Pm Arlabester...
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#5
that's good stuff, i like all of it except when you said ;
And we'll all be equal, despite all before,
When money's been burned,
And the richest are poorer
i found that to be a bit paradoxical in that we are all equal, but the richest are poorer. i'm not sure if you meant rich people will be poorer than now, or poorer than the rest of us. good lines just not sure if it's worded how you wanted it to be or not.
you can definately tell the connection to imagine by john lennon so you might try to make it more personal to you...that's definately something i can't help you with though.
other than that i think you did well, most notably "when the pen beats the gun", good stuff.
#6
ok gr8 thanks. and yeah i did mean poorer than now. an yeh ill try and personalise it
Member #29 of the Fender Armada. Pm Arlabester...
Co-Founder of the UG Hippie Club! PM me or Blynd_Snyper to join!

My Gear:
Fender Highway 1 Tele
Fender Blues Junior Amp
Korg Multi effects pedal
Peavey Millenium Bass
Peavey Bass Amp
#7
Definately good stuff. Like the guy above me, when the pen beats the gun is a really great line. Probably one of the finest I heard lately. I guess you could make the last two verses somewhat "spicier" like the first two, but it sounds good already. Keep it up man!
Who dares wins
====
Some lyrics to look at, any help is appreciated:
Sometimes
#8
real good, especially the last verse, didnt really fancy the 'We'll live in God's love as we did once before.' but other than that sweet lyrics man, 9/10
#9
great work. like a few above me i loved the line, When the pen beats the gun. It reminds me of a Fall Out Boy line, My pen is the barrell of a gun, remind what side you should be on. But, I liked the emotion from it all. You relayed that very well. Your coupling was good too, by that I mean...how you didn't rhyme but used like words to tie 2 lines together. Good job. 10/10
#11
its ok. a tad too schmaltzy for me, but it gets the job done i guess.
one question tho, (first stanza) if you are imagining a utopia, then why would you want to "picture the earth that we used to know"??
--------------------i'm definitely the alphaest male here--------------------
#12
i think ur theme and lyrics to this r wonderful. at last there's more than 1 personal out there who remember's lennon's dream. keep it up.
#14
Kool R.I.P. John Lennon (and may the bastard who shot him burn in hell)
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#15
Please read the FAQ in regard to titles before you post again. This time I've edited it instead of closing it.
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.