#1
Hey guys, i've just scanned the first page and realised i know basically no one i feel like a n00b again... anyway, i wrote this song while on a camp. It's about a breakdown of a crush/girlfriend, inspired by current infatuation actually lol. It's slightly revised and the music is piano, slow piano sort of like Ben Folds Five - Brick style music. ANyway hope you enjoy...

Hello Noelle

Good morning, my darling
The sun is shining, and you?re radiating
The feeling I need to see
Good morning, my darling
I?m watching and waiting
The mist on the lakes, they?re full of emotions
And now I know, you?re the ocean, exploding

Hello Noelle
How do you feel?
Welcome to real world
Hello Noelle
How do you feel?

I can see you holding back the tears
And the words that cut your fears
I?m leaning on this beam as I digress

Call my bluff, but I promise
You?ve just opened your eyes
The piano?s playing the same old
Melody

Hello Noelle
How do you feel?
Welcome to real world
Hello Noelle
How do you feel?

Noelle, here's the ending
So you are the dancer
And you?re laughing and smiling
Your hands in your hair
Listen in wonder
To the pain in the silence
As the red wine slips from your grasp

Hello Noelle
How do you feel?
Welcome to real world
Hello Noelle
How do you feel?
(How do you feel?
How do you feel?)

I?m leaning on this beam, as I digress
I?m leaning on this beam, cleaning up your mess
I?m leaning on this beam, as I digress
I?m leaning on this beam, here?s your breath

Hello Noelle
Hello Noelle
Hello Noelle
How do you feel?
_________________________________________

Editted, thanks to Furtherfan21 and The_me_effect for my English Names lesson
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
Last edited by Auals at Jun 11, 2006,
#2
Hello Noel

Good morning, my darling
The sun is shining, and you?re radiating
The feeling I need to see
Good morning, my darling
I?m watching and waiting
The mist on the lakes, they?re full of emotions
And now I know, you?re the ocean, exploding

I liked this until the emotions oceans rhyme thingoyu had there, and the exploding ocean is kind of interesting, but hte emotions and oceans rhyme really bothers me.

Hello Noel
How do you feel?
Welcome to real world
Hello Noel
How do you feel?

FYI: but i'm pretty sure that Noel is a boys name and that Noelle is the girls way of spelling it. this was okay i though it was kind of cheesey, but no offence that is typical/old you.

I can see you holding back the tears
And the words that cut your fears
I?m leaning on this beam as I digress

didn't like the second line at all.

Call my bluff, but I promise
You?ve just opened your eyes
The piano?s playing the same old
Melody

eh decent enough.

Hello Noel
How do you feel?
Welcome to real world
Hello Noel
How do you feel?

Noel, I can see you
Being the dancer
And you?re laughing and smiling
Your hands in your hair
Listen in wonder
To the pain in the silence
As the red wine slips from your grasp

I really liek the dancer/hair semi-rhyme type thing. and this is by far my favorite stanza so far.

Hello Noel
How do you feel?
Welcome to real world
Hello Noel
How do you feel?
(How do you feel?
How do you feel?)

I?m leaning on this beam, as I digress
I?m leaning on this beam, cleaning up your mess
I?m leaning on this beam, as I digress
I?m leaning on this beam, here?s your breath

Hello Noel
Hello Noel
Hello Noel
How do you feel?

I feel like parts of this were really cheesey and that it has some very decent parts. but overall it was just alright.
Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face?
#3
thanks, i'll check out that Noel, Noelle thing, thanks further
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#4
I agree with further some parts are cliche/ cheesy but it was decent. I actually really liked the way you worded the opening i dont like the "im leaning on this beam" stanza thats just... kinda lame and it has that rhyme i dont really enjoy. but other then that nice

-Mike
#6
^ thanks... so the song was like your crit? hahaha
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#7
Nice piece. 8/10.

I felt the chorus was pretty bland, but other than that, I enjoyed it.

Damn it. Another poor crit from me. I apologise
#8
yeah, i agree with the posts above, some parts were cheesy and overdone, also cliche too. but overall, it was decent, it really didn't amaze me. i also thought it was very repetitive but you might have done that on purpose, maybe it's a song and it's suppose to be sing-songy but the repetition was killing it, in my opinion. keep up the good work.
The trouble with nude dancing is that not everything stops moving when the music does.

Last.fm
#11
Haha, I disagree with everyone.(Surprise, Surprise?) I actually liked the chorus, but maybe it's because I hear exactly what you're going for. Ben Folds/Jack's Mannequin/SoCo kind of thing, eh? I dig it. I hate "Being the dancer", but that's just personal opinion.

Not bad at all, seems like it'd be hella catchy and ****... It's definately not your best, and it could use a little work on rhythm in places, but you've got a nice pop song here.
#12
Lol, thanks guys and wow, a good crit from Retribution, i'm all flushed *blushes* lol

The songs sorta like Brick, it's got a harmony all the way through the chorus so it's a bit of an intense music piece, it's one of my favourites, thanks everyone, kudos to you all
Need Singing Advice?; Read the first page then ask questions.

Quote by punkman_123
Damn Auals, you're messed up. :P


Quote by ZanasCross
This just reminded me of the time that my brother in law texted his mom on the night after his wedding. All it said was "Consummated."
#13
Great song I liked the chorus best. The repetition worked out great in my head.

FYI: Furtherfan's right. Noel is a guys name and Noelle is a girl's. :P
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Whoa I just had a revelation: What if god is a dog?A big white fluffy dog that drools a lot and pees on random people and humps strangers' legs?
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Wait..if someone owns a dog that does that..WTF
Quote by forty-six_and_2
Than...they own god! That's it. I'm getting a dog.