#1
Hi all
Me and my bands singer wrote this one together...i wrote the first half and he wrote the second half then we cross referenced each others work etc. and susequantly it doesn't have a classic repeating chorus so heres the structure

Verse
Chorus
Verse
Chorus
Verse
Outro/Chorus thing

anyway i still feel there's something that could be added to it so i was hoping that you guys could help out

Shadows

Shadows as they creep from you into me
They seem to find a hole through which I can?t see
As light escapes from the hollowed past
We can?t escape we can?t go back

The memories flood into my head
You telling me our future?s dead
We parted ways and hid from light
It drew us back to your delight

The shadows of the clouds follow you by
The wall in your mind never blinks an eye
The futures dead, it?s all gone wrong
Our future?s dead, the time was wrong

The meaning lost with every step
I?m falling fast we lost our heads
She waited long and left it late
Tonight its time to wipe the slate

Shadows watch with dead eyes forevermore
They always wonder what light shines for
They won?t let it shine on for you and me
The light never shines when you?re with me

Shadows drown the world with cold black hearts
Leave behind no trace, no chance for fresh starts
At least the darkness brings no hope
At least the darkness brings no hope
#2
Dude it is good. It is simply a comparison that has been made before. A lot of people use shadows to explain their relations.
#5
You may want to fix some of the rhyming too... so you actually can tell a difference between a verse and the chorus- it may help... I don't know- a suggestion... BUT other than that it was still really good.

Crit my song if you have the time =p
#6
^cheers muchly...ye like i said i didn't write all of it, and i think that hampered the song as a whole...neway still time to change it
#7
It was pretty good. Yes a little cliched but still good.
©Ibanez4