#1
Dining Alone Tonight Sir?

---
'Dining alone tonight sir?'
Asks the waiter; a tall thin man,
I shake my head and he turns to leave,
My head is rushing to images of her,
But so far things haven't gone to plan,
Is she coming? Do I really believe?

I was born in this town,
I was born and raised,
And I made it to the top of my game,
Inferior people always made me frown,
But I stay calm and never fazed,
I wonder if she's the same?

The night wears on and I am worried,
This can normally be fixed by the drop of money,
I grow inpatient and I wait for the cook,
My starter appears - they obviously hurried,
But she hasn't come yet, this isn't funny,
Guess it's not all power and looks.

I'm used to people who sit and leer,
But she might not show, that's my fear,
'Excuse me sir, your guest is here'
Ignore all that then, 'How are you my dear?'
#2
Hhaha! Great ending man! Class!
Aww i really liked this. I wasnt to sure about the part:
I was born in this town,
I was born and raised,
....etc
Cuz it seemed a little out of place. However this is a really kwl song and i enjoyed reading it, and also it kept me reading.
hmmmmmmm....il be nice and give you a 9/10
franz
Quote by calvinthecanadi
I'm now an official Franzaholic.


Meep is a word.
Use it.
#3
I take it its more of a poem than a song...its good and quite original. The whole abcabc rhyme scheme worked really well in the first three stanzas i thought and the last stanza lends itself brilliantly to the rest jsut summing up the whole story, which the aaaa rhyme scheme worked brilliantly for. Its obvious that a bit of thought went into the construction of this piece and what effect it would have on the reader...very well done 9/10
#4
i forgot to ask you if youd check out my song? the second one in my sig..
xxxxfranz
Quote by calvinthecanadi
I'm now an official Franzaholic.


Meep is a word.
Use it.
#5
Franz; I commenetd


Yeah, I agree about the "Born and raised" bit. I wrote this very quickly and edited it later but I wasn't sure about that part so I left it in. Thanks to BurpBelly as well.
Last edited by DavidfortheWin at Jun 9, 2006,
#6
i really like the ending great way to end it. it was really original 9.5/10
#7
Yeh, I quite liked it.

The title made me read it and the middle stanza had superb flow.
#8
Really nice stuff. I thought the rhyming scheme, and choice of words, was superb. I thought that was what made it good to read, and also liked the change to AAAA in the last stanza, good job.

Same as Franz, I only have my concerns for those two lines, but otherwise, superb stuff.

I was also made to read it by the title alone

If you could return the favour, my new piece is here . Much appreciated.