#1
Probably my lamest work, but I got bored and wrote about, SKATEBOARDING
It's gunna have alot of instrumental parts, if I ever get around to the music.


Old times riding along
I feel my feel really belong


Hello, Old Friend we're having a blast.
Great times Old Friend too bad it's past!


Smooth pavement's a smokin'
All these rocks we're a missin'


Hello, Old Friend we're having a blast
Great times Old Friend too bad it's past!

Its past!


Runnin' from the Cops while we shreddin' up the lots.
The rails all sickly sliddin' all the sets got great run up.
all the high flip tricks, screamin' hot chicks
hit it up front side, slide it down back side!

Hello, Old Friend, we're having lots of fun,
but you're all chipped and broken.
Gotta stomp the foot.... done.
#2
I didn't like it but maybe that's because I can't indentify with you and/or your love of skateboarding (or the memory of it). It didn't really seem to be going anywhere...and it didn't. I'm sure you might enjoy it as some sort of nostalgia trip and hey, isn't that the most important thing? >_>
#3
lol. no I didn't really expect anyone to get it. I'm sure any current/used to be skater would... maybe. but yeah, not a serious song at all, I just wanted to play with structure a little.
#5
I can't say I liked the couplets in the song. The only bit I thought was good was the penultimate stanza, your wording was a bit better there.

6/10 overall. Wasn't great, but wasn't terrinble.
#8
The structure does create a forced rhyme issue. You could add the couplets together, and go for an ABAB if you still want to kep that simple rhyme scheme feeling, but try to be more inventive with the rhyming.