#1
A sonnet of hope, a downpour of rain
Into this red hot day again
We fashion our footsteps
Into the wet soil below,we say we'll be the same

As the light shadows shortly,and our roots linger forth
To too many paths ahead
Our hearts refrain from
All the rhythmic reason, that refreshes by the day

Breathe out
And culiminate yourself
To this fever
that eliminates itself

Now this line is quite empty, like your heart when unstrung
To these choking somber words
And as the time pushes onward,
All the figures we quote, just get thrown down to the dirt

Breathe out
And culiminate yourself
To the fever
that eliminates itself

An ending so bitter, the taste a reprise
Of a beginning so alone
What we watched on a vision
A cold broken hymn, just too sad to be sung

We can wish
And just hope
For a day
To be free
To be free
Whether it be raining
or the light is the sky,
and the morning may decieve
All the sky to be dry
I'll just hope to be free
To breathe not to cry
And just to believe
In acceptance i'll be
Free


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Hello, not much to say besides I wrote this
Crit for crit?

EDIT: Woops, big mistake, my format got all screwed up when i posted, i sort of fixed it i think.
Last edited by Horebane at Jun 9, 2006,
#2
Intriguing piece.

The meaning went over my head, I'm not on top of it all at the memont, but it was really nice to read, even if the flow wasn't top notch.

Thought it started better than it ended Wasn't a fan of that last stanza.

8/10, probably more. 8.5 I'll give you, actually. I hope you get some more in depth crits from the more experienced writers on this board