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#1
To all the lads who hate the synthetic swingers.

This is not based on anyone or anything.



Selective What, Sorry?

[On an awkward meeting]


Hi, you look like a rat?s ass; worth a squirt though.

Aw thanks hun! You look great too.
So what have you been up to today?

I wanked over an old photograph I found of you eating a lollypop,
Twice.
Then I showered the cum off my chest and watched the Jeremy Kyle show,
And yourself?

Ah cool. Yeh; I just lazed around all day!

Fat bitch.

No, it?s just something in my eye.

[10 minutes later in the club]

I bet you?re tight,
I bet you?d scream all night.

Thanks baby! My dad says I get them from my mum,
Although hers are blue.
Everyone says they?re stunning, you know?

All I know is that I?m going to **** you
And then go and **** your mate who wears those pink G-Strings.

Aww, most people just say they?re like two beautiful stars,
But never the entire northern lights!

Jesus Christ, talking about lights,
You?re a paper-bag job, aren?t you?

No thanks, I?ve still got a little left,
But I wouldn?t mind something to eat?

My dick?

Sure!

[At her house about 20 minutes later, with a sweaty back from the leather taxi seats]

Well, I guess I?ll see you tomorrow then.

You don?t want a ****?!

Well the caffeine keeps me up,
But I?ll have a quick tea I suppose.

And then me?

A what knee?

Nothing.


[Some girls have some messed up interpretation
Of my language.
They call it selective hearing?]

Selective what, sorry?
Last edited by thepickups at Jun 10, 2006,
#2
relatable and genious, probably one of the most relatable things I've ever read actually. I was confused for the first half which worked perfectly for the mood you were going for and by the end I was forced to reread the rest which is an excellent skill to make people do. What I found really interesting was your lack of quotes but i think I get why you didnt use them. Again, extremely relatable and fairly hilarious but in an artsy way if you see what I mean.

In conclusion:
#4
which is an excellent skill to make people do.


sure it's a skill...

I don't like using these- " "

So I don't.

What's your name Synth?
Last edited by thepickups at Jun 10, 2006,
#6
sheer genious. I swear that's happened to every man a hundred times. Well, maybe not quite thaaaaat bad, but still. The only part I didn't really like was "I bet you?re tight, I bet you?d scream all night". Not sure what to do about it though, sorry.
You know the bitter comes out better on a stolen guitar
You're the BLESSED, we're the Spiders from Mars!

Member 3 of the "Mick Ronson Is an extremely Awesome Guitar Player" Fanclub. PM ThePurpleRabbit to join.
#7
I swear that's happened to every man a hundred times


Player.


I go by either Dylan or Doyle, or whatever else tickles your fancy


I'll call you Zimmerman, or Bob.
#8
Lol, great piece, Pickups.

I really liked it. I chuckled, then laughed loudly. Very relatable, as synth said. I can't really complain, near faultless.

Top stuff.
#11
[Some girls have some messed up interpretation
Of my language.
They call it selective hearing?]

Girls select language? that´s a new one :p
You´re just outside
#12
All male replies eh

I'm due a flamming off some girl soon

thanks all; tall and small.

Gil, what does the 1st line in your sig mean or show? I know where the 2nd's from.
#14
When i first read it the first words that went thru my head was `what the f*cks this rubbish`, so i read it a couple of times and when i eventually `got it` doh! i was a bit slow on the uptake i`m afraid, yeah canny good, now that i actually get what yer on about haha

Steve...
#15
Quote by SteveSAFC
When i first read it the first words that went thru my head was `what the f*cks this rubbish`, so i read it a couple of times and when i eventually `got it` doh! i was a bit slow on the uptake i`m afraid, yeah canny good, now that i actually get what yer on about haha

Steve...


At first I thought he was being a pretentious dick thinking anything he did was good. Then I finished and was like, wow.
#16
"No thanks, I?ve still got a little left,
But I wouldn?t mind something to eat?

My dick?"

this whole thing reeks of thepickup's trademark dry wit.

I lol'd many a time.
There is no place else to go
The theater is closed
#17
At first I thought he was being a pretentious dick thinking anything he did was good. Then I finished and was like, wow.


Who's that aimed at, me or the character?

this whole thing reeks of thepickup's trademark dry wit.


I call it wet wit, becuase of all the girls reactions.


I wrote another cool one the other night called:

I hate gravity for what it did to Vicky's tits

I might post it.

thanks again you comedy whores
#18
Quote by thepickups
All male replies eh

I'm due a flamming off some girl soon

thanks all; tall and small.

Gil, what does the 1st line in your sig mean or show? I know where the 2nd's from.


The second line of my sig is the shirt i wear in World of Warcraft. It´s a blue shirt, but i kind of like it to have a little orange.
It´s just a sucky sig :p
You´re just outside
#24
Alright Ret thats it, I've had enough of your shiat. I'm challenging you to a shiggigity duelizzle: you vs. me, tommorow, 3pm afterschool at the flagpole, the final battle between good and evil (you can be evil if you want), be there esse or I'll come lookin for you!

o and sry for spamming in your thread LT (stands for Lusty T. [couldnt think of anything that the T could stand for], which is what I will be calling you ThePickups) this is the last post i'll be making.

Man, that last line still sends chills down my spine, its a completely unexpected line because ussually you see writers end with a general summarizing statement, but I guess your not most writers are you? ending with wit and a continuality of a specific theme to drive home your point. keep on keeping on LT.
#26
that was ****ing fantastic. don't wanna just kiss your ass like eveyone else, but jesus you're good. and not just in the bedroom
Quote by Kensai
Maybe you've heard what the ladies say: "Once you go 77mm you don't go back"
#27
LOL! I finally got it! That's fucking genious!

Keep it up man!
When I heard smoking would kill me, I bought shares in Dunhill and Marlboro - Thomas Geraghty

If we don't change it, nothing will fucking change.
#28
Man, that last line still sends chills down my spine, its a completely unexpected line because ussually you see writers end with a general summarizing statement, but I guess your not most writers are you? ending with wit and a continuality of a specific theme to drive home your point. keep on keeping on LT.


Which line sorry?

Alice!keep our secrets to ourselves!


thanks all, but it's not that good.

i know wardy wants to comment!
#29
That's a very bona fide piece of work there - very... virginal, if you will. Fresh. I've never seen anything written like that before.

Pat yourself on the back
#30
Any song making fun of stupid girls gets an automatic A+ in my book. At any rate, nothing anyone would ever call artistic, but it's still incredible. And funny. And true. Which makes it more incredible and funnier.

Linkage: [url="Not ALL girls are like you said they were even though the majority are. People always make fun of me for not having boyfriend when I can. For not having sex when I can. (yeah girls have sex in a very young age in this country) I just choose not to. Purity is what Im attracted to.
"](Untitled)

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

Short Stories:
Anniversary
#31
erm, i finish my exams tomorrow so I might be able to return crits then unless i got 4 tracking.

link yourself in this thread please.
#32
Quote by thepickups
All male replies eh

I'm due a flamming off some girl soon.


you sure as hell deserve it! this wasn't funny, it was just the story of a perverted moron.
B.C. RICH
#33
You sound naked, are you naked?

You're naked aren't you?


nah, no way!?

me?!

perverted?!

you crazy fool, you
#34
After reading this I realized some girls I talk to have selective hearing as well.
They say the old woman's got the wisdom
'Cause she couldn't read the clock anymore
She said "The numbers don't represent the moments"
Says she don't see what all the ticking's for
#35
Quote by thepickups
You sound naked, are you naked?

You're naked aren't you?


nah, no way!?

me?!

perverted?!

you crazy fool, you


you're just sick.
B.C. RICH
#36
at first i didn't like it but i warmed to it and was in stitches by the end. when you put it to music make sure the lyrics can be head their what will make the song
#37
Quote by thepickups
You sound naked, are you naked?

You're naked aren't you?


nah, no way!?

me?!

perverted?!

you crazy fool, you


That´s conor for you. boya!
Bump my latest work
cause it´s always a pleasure
to have you
You´re just outside
#38
After reading this I realized some girls I talk to have selective hearing as well.


yeh def, but i'm still going to go out and get in with one tonight becuase i finished my exams!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

huzzzzzahhh!!!!

silly buuger, are you a super mod or summit, becuase you're name is day-glow?

EDIT:

To that person who said i was sick etc- didn't you say that in greenfinger's thread?

and i don't think it's sick, you need to see some of the the people i meet, this is all just true.
Last edited by thepickups at Jun 16, 2006,
#40
I really like it, especially how you can go from something innocent to something like "Then I showered the cum off my chest". Very amusing...
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