#1
Oh what a fine time to get in line
You wait your turn but do you feel the burn
You take your time, thats fine with me
But only your time will set you free

Its in your nature to hesitate
I can wait but i can't relate
Cant concentrate when my heads in space
Almost there but its not a race

Lay still 'til you fall asleep
Your secrets I have to keep

But next time I'll be gone
so try not to take so long

You took your time planned your attack
That time you can't get back

Like the devil you drew me in
Looking back no one could win
You can pretend that its on the mend
Truth is it's not and this is the end


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#2
I dislike the rhyming. It felt very forced, which is what you mostly get with AABB.

I would try to vary it, either change the structure or vary it throughout, maybe the verses have one scheme, and the chorus another. Try the lyrics tips thread to improve your writing

This wasn't totally bad though. I liked some of the alliteration (Can't Concentrate), and I thought

Its in your nature to hesitate
I can wait but i can't relate


Was a nice touch, with the similar word sounds.

But overall, this was pretty simplistic. 6/10. Not great, not terrible. Average piece. Keep it up.

If you could crit back, my newest piece is here , a crit would be much appreciated. Many thanks.
#3
I felt the rhyming was fine, but somethings did feel forced. Mainly this line,
"Cant concentrate when my heads in space
Almost there but its not a race"

besides that is was good, but not great.
#4
It was a 50/50 on your rhyme scheme. I liked it it but it did seem forced. But on the other hand i liked how you worded what you where trying to say.
©Ibanez4