feel free to criticize.............i need it!

i grab the bottle in my hand
as they scream the words do it again

i wont stand here like autumns leaves
fragile and awaiting
even though this kills me slowly everyday
this tadegy is just begining
will this be enough to make me forget?

i have fought this war
too many times before
all this poisen still runs through my veins
this feeling will never go away
so be prepared to take this to your grave

these thoughts settle in my mind
as blood rushes to my head
everything has left me
and i cant stop wishing i was dead
It looks to me like you could split this into 2 songs.the 1st 2 paragraphs seem to go okay together as do the second two.But,with the 2nd two they want to rhyme and 1st two don;t.Maybe do one hard rock in electric and the other a dark,moody accoustic.