#1
a lot more personal than the rant i put out before, but here's a piece i wrote about a really close friend:

i've met her before
but continued to ignore
her spectacular aura
and the decadent flora
born only in the virgin's fertility

your garden was pure
speech never slurred
til i erected the temple
of humble assimilation
lost dreams of a single nation
never this simple...

it took a while
to uncover the smile
hidden underneath
my concrete feet
the presence of an angel, now i finally see

the brightest light
i thought i had lost
but it crept from the night
lose you? not at any cost

your garden was pure
speech never slurred
til i erected the temple
of humble assimilation
lost dreams of a single nation
never this simple...

a gift from the manger
but still it won't satisy
i still have to change her
make her see my...

i've been here before
utopia isn't new
i saw what's in store
and almost as if on cue
my builders move on to the next temple of hypocrisy
#2
It seems like an OK song, but at times I was bored by it.
It has a very basic structure, I like that. I can't really say anything more.
7/10 ( if you're gunna comment on mine, please click one of the last)
#3
Exellent song, if not slightly ott in places. The only bit i would definately change is "but it crept from the night lose you? not at any cost" cos i doesnt sound right, apart from that i really enjoyed readin it.