#1
Im fairly new to songwriting and this is only the second song ive ever written. Any and all critisicsm is welcome!


in a darkened hallway
with slit wrists and broken spitits

she makes a desperate cry for help
exchanging one pain for the next

slowly slipping into death
as her blood oozes on the floor

an everlasting trophy
hell knocks closely at her door

proof of the pain once felt
subdued by evil spirits

persuasive thoughts run through her mind
to end it all right here right now

Little girl
Dont let your demons get the best of you

Little girl
See how all creation mocks you now

And as these voices dance around in your head
The only thing I ask of you

Is that you dont let this go too far
too far

A shadow sits beside her on his blood stained pedastal
Waiting for the chance when he can swallow up her soul

Like the millions before her
Why is this girl any different

She never showed resistance
to the things that twist her mind

His minions sit beside her
Knawing at her feet

And cursing all shes done
theres nowhere else to run

theres nowhere else to run

Little girl
Dont let your demons get the best of you

Little girl
See how all creation mocks you now

And as these voices dance around in your head
The only thing I ask of you

Is that you dont let this go too far
too far

(then a guitar solo comes in which lasts about 25 sec. and the song ends after repeating "little girl" a few times)
Last edited by screamotherapy at Sep 21, 2006,
#3
Well I liked it but i cant help but think it can be sung like Atreyu does it like for the

Little girl
Dont let your demons get the best of you
Little girl
See how all creation mocks you now
could be waht Brandon would sing but hey just me

And i dont know why people say there age when they post? oh well gj 8.0/10
#5
A shadow sits beside her on his blood stained pedastal
Waiting for the chance when he can swallow up her soul



That part seemed a little to long for me
But maybe it was just me?
Other than that, it was very good, very heartfelt, I could feel it.

9.5/10
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#6
It seemd a little cliche at start. But it was pretty good towards the end. Nice work. And keep writing and posting.
#8
Not bad...well written and it kinda seems like you were basing it on the movie The Exorcism of Emily Rose...even though I know you weren't. I'll say 8.5/10
I'm Trapped In A Glass Case...of Emotion
#9
It was a little cliche, and it started off kind of bad. But it got better as it went on. Very good for your second song. The only thing is it seems a bit too... dramatic to be a song. Not exactly the wrod I want to use, but oh well. But then again, what the hell do I know? I really liked the line, "A shadow sits beside her on his blood stained pedastal", for some reason. 7.5/10
#11
I'm reluctant to say I like it because it comes off as very emo. But I can forgive you for that. Only because I know folks who cut, and this song does make me think of those people. I have the same concern as Kurt Morello. "Is that you don't let this go too far... too far," this stanza seems incomplete for some reason.... I give it a 6.5/10. No offense but I'd of given another 0.5 but it is an emo song (nothing personal).